Abandoned

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Someone I had recently lost touch with has BPD, and he went through a series of unfortunate events (death of his grandmother, divorce, moving, being ill, etc.) and in all this he shuttered me out from communications.

I found myself always having to reach out first whenever the conversation goes silent, initially because I was not sure if what I had said/not said or did/not do something he had wanted/not wanted, thus leading to him shutting down. Eventually it seemed a habit (an annoying one) where I felt tired of what seemed immature on his part, and needing to reach out to maintain the relationship. 

Because the breakdown in communication happened so often I shared my need for tennis-conversation, just the usual back-forth (not excessive), just the "hey/night" would be enough. He have made suicide threat in the past and I (maternal instinct intact) wanted to make sure he was ok.

Over the course of December, our relationship turned turbulent and he mentioned self harm as well the thought and potential act of suicide. I encouraged him to seek therapy (we'll do it together if he does not want to call them alone). We met up once, but it was uneasy for me when he went into a panic attack while driving, followed by his laps of silent retreat. At this point our romantic relationship had fizzled to being "just friends" and living in our own separate places, I made the effort to check in when I felt it had gone too long but it became a chore. I feel that mature relationships don't include silent treatments, or not to the extent that I faced and I don't understand why such is used toward someone the one with BPD said they loved.

The last time I heard from him was about 2 weeks ago. He's now blocked and deleted me from all communications because I did not say "goodnight" on our last whatsapp chat.

I don't think he'll come around to communicating with me again but if there are others who have experienced or done something like this, will you share with me why? What went on in your head when you chose to block someone you "care/love" from your life? Would you not want them near as a source of comfort?

It just doesn't make any sense to me.

[hifuturevisitor]

Someone I had recently lost touch with has BPD, and he went through a series of unfortunate events (death of his grandmother, divorce, moving, being ill, etc.) and in all this he shuttered me out from communications.

I found myself always having to reach out first whenever the conversation goes silent, initially because I was not sure if what I had said/not said or did/not do something he had wanted/not wanted, thus leading to him shutting down. Eventually it seemed a habit (an annoying one) where I felt tired of what seemed immature on his part, and needing to reach out to maintain the relationship. 

Because the breakdown in communication happened so often I shared my need for tennis-conversation, just the usual back-forth (not excessive), just the "hey/night" would be enough. He have made suicide threat in the past and I (maternal instinct intact) wanted to make sure he was ok.

Over the course of December, our relationship turned turbulent and he mentioned self harm as well the thought and potential act of suicide. I encouraged him to seek therapy (we'll do it together if he does not want to call them alone). We met up once, but it was uneasy for me when he went into a panic attack while driving, followed by his laps of silent retreat. At this point our romantic relationship had fizzled to being "just friends" and living in our own separate places, I made the effort to check in when I felt it had gone too long but it became a chore. I feel that mature relationships don't include silent treatments, or not to the extent that I faced and I don't understand why such is used toward someone the one with BPD said they loved.

The last time I heard from him was about 2 weeks ago. He's now blocked and deleted me from all communications because I did not say "goodnight" on our last whatsapp chat.

I don't think he'll come around to communicating with me again but if there are others who have experienced or done something like this, will you share with me why? What went on in your head when you chose to block someone you "care/love" from your life? Would you not want them near as a source of comfort?

It just doesn't make any sense to me.

[Mutt]

Hi futurevisitor, 



Im sorry that your pwBPD has given you the silent treatment- I can relate with being on the receiving end of that and it’s not fun.

I just want to touch a little bit on the pushing behavior and it sounds like a lot was going on at the time for your pwBPD.

BPD is often comorbid with depression and anxiety, it sounds like has a panic disorder but when you have depression one insidious side of the illness is that you disconnect from people that are close to you

he went through a series of unfortunate events (death of his grandmother, divorce, moving, being ill, etc.) and in all this he shuttered me out from communications.

It’s not fun having to instigate all of the conversations and another thing is BPD is being emotionally impaired and having poor interpersonal r/s skills - being impaired with the social nuances etc.

I don't think he'll come around to communicating with me again but if there are others who have experienced or done something like this, will you share with me why?

How long did you know him? We’re there similar episodes before?