Hello World

[violintrio333]

Hello friends,

I just learned that one of my parents has BPD. I am joining this support group to help process that knowledge. Honestly, this feels like a renewal since I've been in the dark about my parent's issues for so much of my life, and now I at least understand why they have been the way they have. I am scared that I may have it, especially since symptoms can manifest later in life and I am pretty young, but I don't have any reason to believe I have it so I'll try not to think about it too much.

Any advice, thoughts, or solidarity is appreciated!

[Woolspinner2000]

  Welcome Violintrio333!

I'm so glad that you found this site! We are a big online family that will help you and listen to you.
I am so sorry that you found out you have a BPD parent, but do you feel relieved now in a strange way? For so many of us, discovering that what we always sensed as not normal, or "I knew something wasn't right," has a real name actually helped us to feel as if we weren't crazy. There is a certain amount of validation in that.

Many of those on this board have had the same fears you have, of also getting BPD. Typically we fear that we have it at times too, but that is usually because we learned so much about the behaviours of BPD through mirroring our pwBPD (parent with BPD). We learned skills to help us survive growing up in a BPD home, and that doesn't mean you have or will have BPD too.

Tell us more about your story, siblings, etc. Looking forward to hearing from you again!

Take care,
Wools

[beatricex]

hi violintrio333,
Well, you can rest easy, because if you read enough books about narcissism and/or borderline personality disorder, they state: if you're asking yourself "Do I have it?"  then you don't. 

Glad you are here.
What do you find most challenging about the relationship with your parents?

 
b

[LunaJoy]

Hello!  I love your name - I play the violin and music helped me so much getting to know myself as a teenager and young adult, and gave me friendship and respect outside the world of my family.
I found this website last year after an upsetting phone call with my mother.  I’m in my 50s and one bad conversation with her and I would be upset for days.  She was kind but very controlling when I was a child, but when I became an adult she lost the plot really and couldn’t relate to me at all.  She often says she is undiagnosed bipolar, so I researched mental health problems, found that borderline personality disorder fitted her very well, and turned to this website for support.  Honestly, she is the same as ever but I feel so much better since using the tools described on BPD family and getting so much empathy and compassion from the people here.  Learning about BPD has helped me feel compassion for my mother, and helped me to manage conversations when she is in a stressful emotional state.  I hope you find help here too. Xxx

[PearlsBefore]

For what it's worth I think that the usual onset of BPD symptoms is early/mid teenaged years, so depending on your age you might be safely past the higher-risk threshold already - often it really manifests in childhood based on my reading, the issue is that much of what we associate with BPD is "normal" for children - so we don't realize it's a problem until they're older and still displaying the same issues, such as a lack of foresight or suggestibility, when it is abnormal. Other things, like an unstable self-image varying between different identities becomes MORE normal for teenagers than for children, but again is mostly suggestive of BPD if it continues AFTER the ages of 18/25-ish.

According to Dr. Christine Lawson, who I was consulting earlier today for someone else, the "favourite" child of the BPD-parent typically does not have the same risk of developing BPD as the "least favorite", the latter being much more likely.