He's my ex-husband. I thought he had maturity issues and bipolar. Turns out...he has BPD. All the dishonesty, all the lying, and it was to cover up this. I'm so exasperated, angry, and hurt. I spent 11 years telling him I loved him for nothing. Nothing I did could reassure him, because he's a bottomless pit borderline. I want to kill him and I hate myself for loving him - but I'm not planning murder. Obviously. Who posts that online? Loonies. I just mean I'm angry and feeling really threatened. I blocked him on everything I could think of because after he told me he wanted a divorce, he made me do it, then turned around and said he wanted to "Swallow his pride" and get back together. I loved him so much I was dumb enough to say yes. Then he dumped me, and then denied it, and asked for ANOTHER chance. And I said yes! And then he started dodging me on Skype and I finally blew up and sent him an e-mail telling him it was over and I was blocking him on my phone and devices, and I did it, but I'm still reeling.
Amaryn, perhaps the best thing I can say...some people suck. It just is what it is and hey sh*t happens! You can change for the better though. Your life will get better. Just focus on you and value yourself. Please be kind to you and don't blame yourself. Above all else though...don't let the experience change you negatively. Focus on the positives of what you can learn from it and strive to do better moving forward.
Cheers and best wishes!
-SC-
