BPD co-occurring with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi, I just found this group yesterday after decades of struggling with my BPD daughter, and having been told time and again -- by different entities -- that it's my fault. So grateful for the discussion I saw here about that. I feel the mental health field really let me, my ex-husband, and most importantly -- my daughter -- down.

My feelings about this have become more difficult for me since my daughter -- 31 -- now has a daughter of her own. She was born at the end of November. Thus my frantically searching books and the internet again for relief. Lately, I've felt my daughter has no empathy or love for me, and possibly not for anyone else (which, of course, worries me, as far as my grand-daughter is concerned). She is married to the father of her child. Every support group I ever attended, every therapist I ever spoke to, everything I ever read from BPDs themselves, said they do feel love and empathy. But then I stumbled across something else yesterday before I stumbled across this group: the co-occurrence of NPD with BPD. If it's true, why did that never occur to me before? I had an NPD boyfriend for 10 years, so I also read a lot about that, and was told NPDs don't have empathy (which I certainly experienced with him). I also know that BPD has many co-morbidities. But never saw anything saying it could occur with NPD, nor did anyone ever tell me that. I didn't see much info on BPD occurring with NPD out there, so I was wondering what people's experiences are here or what you might know about that.

[Nanners]

Hi, I just found this group yesterday after decades of struggling with my BPD daughter, and having been told time and again -- by different entities -- that it's my fault. So grateful for the discussion I saw here about that. I feel the mental health field really let me, my ex-husband, and most importantly -- my daughter -- down.

My feelings about this have become more difficult for me since my daughter -- 31 -- now has a daughter of her own. She was born at the end of November. Thus my frantically searching books and the internet again for relief. Lately, I've felt my daughter has no empathy or love for me, and possibly not for anyone else (which, of course, worries me, as far as my grand-daughter is concerned). She is married to the father of her child. Every support group I ever attended, every therapist I ever spoke to, everything I ever read from BPDs themselves, said they do feel love and empathy. But then I stumbled across something else yesterday before I stumbled across this group: the co-occurrence of NPD with BPD. If it's true, why did that never occur to me before? I had an NPD boyfriend for 10 years, so I also read a lot about that, and was told NPDs don't have empathy (which I certainly experienced with him). I also know that BPD has many co-morbidities. But never saw anything saying it could occur with NPD, nor did anyone ever tell me that. I didn't see much info on BPD occurring with NPD out there, so I was wondering what people's experiences are here or what you might know about that.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi Nanners,
 Yes, BPD can co exist with other personality disorders as well as other mental illnesses- and sometimes more than one.   While my adult son did not have NPD , he does have bipolar and substance abuse along with his BPD. 

You are not alone in feeling let down by the mental health community.  We are here for you. 

[Nanners]

Thank you, Swimmy55. So glad this group is here!

[Big M]

Hi Nanners, well I can tell you firsthand it's a very real thing and a very terrible thing.  Our daughter, 20, fits this to a "T".  Highly emotional, volatile, expects uber-level empathy from others, especially her parents, yet has no empathy or understanding of other's emotions, or even humanity for that matter.  EVERYTHING is someone else's fault, none of it hers, EVER.  I cannot imagine a more emotionally exhausting situation for a parent, you have my deepest sympathy, I know what you are going through. 

[Nanners]

Big M, thanks for your support. At least we aren't alone and we see we aren't making it all up.
~Nanners

[Big M]

Hi Nanners, well I can tell you firsthand it's a very real thing and a very terrible thing.  Our daughter, 20, fits this to a "T".  Highly emotional, volatile, expects uber-level empathy from others, especially her parents, yet has no empathy or understanding of other's emotions, or even humanity for that matter.  EVERYTHING is someone else's fault, none of it hers, EVER.  I cannot imagine a more emotionally exhausting situation for a parent, you have my deepest sympathy, I know what you are going through.

Today, I'd probably tone this down a little, and just say it's extremely rare for her to show empathy or understanding to parents, and everything is our fault with rare exceptions.  The context of my post is that we had to ask her to leave our home, because she just cannot manage to respect us or our property.  When she perceives that we've done something wrong, she can become extremely verbally abusive, and she is wrecking our house, and we've just had enough of that. We will continue to help her, but we've had to set a limit that she cannot live with us and act like that.

[Big M]

This article sure helped me get a little more insight into the daughter with BPD.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201510/the-borderline-daughter