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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Ex doesn't use car seat when taking kids on vacation  (Read 585 times)
12years
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« on: February 20, 2021, 10:36:25 PM »

I am a stickler for safety especially when it comes to my kids. When my ex takes the kids on vacations, he does not use the portable car seat that is sent with my daughter every time! They drive in the US, apparently going 4-wheeling, and they go to Hawaii and my son reports that he is not using it. Anything I can do?
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kells76
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« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2021, 11:14:27 PM »

Hi 12years, can you please remind me how old the kids are?

DH's kids' mom stopped using car seats a couple years before us... the kids were ~10, maybe 9. I think we kept now-SD12 (almost 13) in car seat until 11. I think 12 is the legal rule?

It may also be a size thing. Are the kids on the tall end of things?

How is communication with the ex? What would it be like to send "Hey, any issues with getting Son to use car seat? Let me know and we can team up on it."

It is different if the kids are age 4 (for example) vs age 11. 4 is a hard NO and get legal advice, 11 you may need to let it slide with documentation of "I disagree with not requiring Son to use car seat".

4x4-ing and off roading is tricky. Are they in a street legal vehicle or something more like quad or side by side? Our state has an off-road rules pamphlet that does list safety requirements for youth offroading. Not sure if car seat comes up there specifically, but that may be under a larger umbrella of DMV rules.

Definitely check state requirements. No idea if Hawaii is a weird outlier; my MO is always to research a ton before responding to DH's ex's weird behaviors.
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12years
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« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2021, 12:52:12 AM »

Thanks Kells 76. They are 13 and 10. Sorry I forgot that detail.

The littlest, at 10 yrs. old I am concerned with. No, I feel I can't really just say "let's team up." I really thought we were, overall getting to that point, but, apparently not. It's always the thing you are most worried/concerned about that they don't care about at all! There isn't much left for me to say about things related to the kids, cuz he won't do it, doesn't care or purposely doesn't do it, but this is something (using the car seat) that's been brought up many times so he knows. Just chooses to ignore it. Actually this is the second time I heard of a trip where no car seat was used. And not sure about the 4 wheeling. I thought about it later and then realized that he hadn't had brought the seat even on the trip so obvi there was none worn then. I try to empower the kids to speak up, both of them about her the 10 year old being in it and they went on another trip recently and it worked. Until the next time...
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mart555
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« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2021, 12:27:55 PM »

10 and 13?  From what I see here it's not the law after 7..

https://hidot.hawaii.gov/highways/files/2013/01/DOT-Birth-to-Boosters-Brochure-Final.pdf

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