Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
May 14, 2021, 06:19:35 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Landmines  (Read 140 times)
F.Baggins

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 4


« on: February 22, 2021, 06:00:58 PM »

I am glad to have a place to connect with others. I recently thought of an analogy for what I've been through and wonder if it resonates with others.

I feel like I've been in a video game for years and have worked hard to get better and better at avoiding the landmines. Then suddenly I realize that the point of the game was not to avoid the landmines but to keep from getting eaten alive. I look down and half of me is gone and the other half I hardly recognize.

I wasn't sure which topic to post in because all I know is that I have my own healing to do before I can decide if I'm working to improve things or working to leave.

Thanks for being here and thanks to Walking on Eggshells for helping me begin to see things more clearly (though I have a long way to go).
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

maxsterling
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: living together, engaged
Posts: 2536



« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2021, 09:26:41 PM »

Perfect analogy.

I had a similar analogy awhile back, but with a maze.  You keep making quick decisions based on what you know without knowing the bigger picture that you are actually in a maze. 

Just like your analogy, I have spent the past 7 years trying to solve daily issues for a little peace, trying to get back in the right direction, only to realize my life force has been greatly diminished.
Logged

F.Baggins

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 4


« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2021, 09:40:13 AM »

Thanks, maxsterling.

I can relate to that too.
Logged
Cat Familiar
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 5877



« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2021, 09:59:27 AM »

A bit of backstory: 2 BPD husbands, the first--far more extreme: violence, drug use, infidelity, financial irresponsibility. The second--some traits, but mostly well-adjusted.

Like so many here, I twisted myself in knots trying to make things work in my first marriage. I appeased, supported his crazy schemes, did everything I could to make him feel loved and accepted. All my attempts to make things better just resulted in him getting away with more egregious behavior.

I've heard it said that first marriages are "practice marriages." Well, in my case, it certainly was true. I'd been with my second husband for a couple of years before any of the BPD behaviors showed up. It had been blissful until the crazy suddenly appeared.

This time around, I had a very different response. Instead of trying to be soothing, placating, and tolerant, I was angry! Undoubtedly not the best response, but on the other hand, I wasn't abandoning myself and my values.

I felt duped, set up, and that the last couple of years of bliss had been a mirage. I was without strategies to deal with his behavior and so I discovered BPD Family and found a community that understood what I was going through.

It hasn't been easy, but it's much less challenging than my first marriage was, since I'm dealing with someone who has traits, rather than full-blown BPD. I guess my point is that it doesn't help to throw away yourself in order to try and save someone else.
Logged

“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
F.Baggins

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 4


« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2021, 05:36:55 PM »

Thank you, Cat Familiar. Trying to find myself again.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!