Setting boundaries

[Archer]

My adoptive child is 23 and has BPD. she will not interact with any other members in the family, only me. She gets angry when I am with my other adult children and sends me mean text messages the whole time. She will come to the house and work to pull me away from my husband and other adult daughter.   How do I tell her to stay away and not come every day? She also suffers from abandonment fear and did not come into our family until 5 years ago. She used to be close to my biological daughter before moving in. Now they do not speak. The “adopted” daughter moved out in Aug.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome!
You have every right to establish boundaries.  Can you think of one that you can live with/ enforce?   Maybe cut the visits down to 1- 2 times a week by stating she can visit this and that day between which times.   She will still barge in at other times- can you have the strength enough to tell her " Now is not a good time- I can see you at our agreed upon time."?   Think on what consequences you can feel comfortable to enforce. 
Maybe you can start with something smaller at first like the mean texts.  Could you establish a boundary there? .  Some ideas could include you cutting your phone off for a time( hour, 2 hours, evening, etc).  During a calm time you could tell her you will not respond to mean texts. And then you don't respond when she sends the mean text.  We can help brain storm with you if you 'd like.  Remember you have as much rights as your adult BPD daughter. 

[formflier]

I want to join Swimmy55 in welcoming you and assuring you that we can help brainstorm.

For me, it helps to read and "see" the interaction.

Can you give some examples of the texts?  We'll have to do some trial and error to get the responses right...but I suspect something along the lines of..

"Oh I wish I had more time for this conversation right now, I'm having some scheduled time with (insert name).  We can add more time to our planned dinner tomorrow night if needed.  Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."

And then see her tomorrow.

How do you think something like that would "go over" with your pwBPD?

Best,

FF