The more I try, the more I realize how blinding my denial has been

[iexist]

I'm exhausted. I've been with my wife for 20 years. I don't have much to say about that right now. I'd like to think that there's hope, but the more I try, the more I realize how blinding my denial has been. I don't think I'm actually in this relationship at this point. There's her, her feelings, and her perceptions and interpretations of me. What I actually say, do, and feel, is irrelevant. I don't feel like a person anymore. I'm just here. There's a good person inside her somewhere, but I'm not going to drive myself insane trying to find it. At this point I need to look after myself.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

So many of us who enter into these relationships are codependents or caretakers and over time we forget to take care of ourselves.

Remembering to do that is a good first step in healing. In what way are you going to begin to look after your own needs?

[Joshua 1:9]

I completely identify with what you are describing.  Thankfully I have found a great therapist, and after only 2 sessions so far, I understand the importance of taking care of myself.  What I lived with as "normal" after 40 years is anything but normal.

[truthdevotee]

I feel the same way. As I'm learning self-care (as much as I can with two toddlers at home), things are getting even worse... I need to pace myself.