I posted on here a couple of weeks ago about my close friend blocking me and going NC. That post is here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=348511.0He got back in touch and things continued as they were for a little while. But we had another disagreement, I’ve been quite stressed with a few things and feeling overwhelmed and he wants help and support with the legal and financial matters he has going on in his life. He resents my job as I commute and said it leaves no time for him; and has resented my study as it leaves me no time for him.
I was busy trying to submit an essay and speaking to my academic advisor when he text me and asked me to end my call and take a call on his behalf, I ended mine and took the call for him and he asked me to write 2 letters on his behalf as a result of the call - which I did and sent them to him to check. Over the course of about 2 hours we had multiple discussions about me not prioritising him, we spoke about some of the stresses I’m experiencing but he’s not that great at offering emotional support. He said since I had ‘given him COVID’ his health had become worse than it already was and I hadn’t apologised. He called me arrogant for visiting him and said I’d ruined his life (I want to point out I’d had a negative Covid test the day before I visited, but tested positive the week after, I hadn’t wanted to go that weekend but he’d begged me to visit. He never had any symptoms of Covid and didn’t have a test but believes he caught it from me). I said that he could have caught it anywhere, it might have been me or it might not have been - this upset him.
I said I had apologised more than once and that I wasn’t going to keep apologising and that I should have used my common sense rather than being pursuaded to visit by him (it was legally safe to do so then, but haven’t visited since as we went back into lockdown). He just said ‘I hate you and I hate the fact that I rely on you’. Although he tells me he hates me a lot and then apologises afterwards.
He hung up the phone. I texted later and apologised for the way I’d spoken to him and said that my resilience is low at the moment. He didn’t respond and I texted a day later asking if he wanted me to still post the letters on his behalf with no response.
He didn’t reply to either of messages. Normally he blocks me and then unblocks me after a while. This time there was no blocking, just no response. I’ve expected his call for the last 2 weeks as he normally does but there has been nothing. We’ve had lots of conversations like this but normally end up speaking again, we didn’t even have a proper end to the conversation. I thought it would continue later that night.
It’s the longest we have ever gone without speaking since we met. We’d actually had a few positive days before this where he was planning to move closer to me, and had thanked me for the support I’d given him.
I’m at a place now where I either decide to leave it (my family and friends think this is best) or try to contact him. I’m still worried about him, and I’m sad about this. My family and friends think he will try to contact me again when he needs something (most of his friendships are needs led, he even blocks his own family members at times when they can’t help him).
I’m trying to focus on all of the bad times, to help me feel better about this. But that doesn’t seem to offset the fact that I do miss him, I’m worried about him. I never told him that I love him in the 4 years I knew him. I’m sure he’ll just be sat at home thinking I’m a terrible person who never cared enough.
I’m also struggling with the void left behind, so much of my time was devoted to this friendship. It’s like he has been my partner for the last 4 years. Work helps a lot to distract me but I can’t do that 7 days a week.
I’m lost. I don’t know what to do - I could use a little advice.
Thank you.
Minky
