Adult Daughter with (undiagnosed) BPD

[Hard to love]

I’m new here. I have a daughter with BPD traits although not formally diagnosed. She is 30 and has been exhibiting these traits since she was about 15 although she was a difficult child very early on.  I have a son, 27. My daughter has lots of triggers, the most recent dealt with me giving emotional support and advice to my son who had just been in a car accident, no injuries, but his car was totaled. She went on a rage about the lack of support we had given to her when she wreaked her car 5 years ago. She states we gave no support, which is completely false.  She hasn’t spoken to me in 5 days, but it typically is 3-4 weeks.  She only rages at me. My husband is immune. I have always been the primary parent regarding guidance, discipline, counsel.  Husband has never been emotionally involved. I believe she loves me the most, therefore hates me the most too. I’m looking for similar situations with successful tactics to help me not feel so hurt. I know I can’t change her.  There have been hundreds of instances like this in 15+ years, this is just the latest. She lives about 3 hours away with her boyfriend of 1year

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[summerholiday]

I'd also be interested in finding out any successful strategies. The 41 year old BPD woman I'm living with still gives her parents hell for no apparent reason. She needs them due to a lack of friends but that doesn't stop verbal abuse. She can be OK with them on a good day but there's always a risk of her going off at them unfairly. She is generally rude. They kind of accept the situation I think and try not to dwell on it too much.

[Headinawhirl]

"I’m new here. I have a daughter with BPD traits although not formally diagnosed. She is 30 and has been exhibiting these traits since she was about 15 although she was a difficult child very early on.  I have a son, 27. My daughter has lots of triggers, the most recent dealt with me giving emotional support and advice to my son who had just been in a car accident, no injuries, but his car was totaled. She went on a rage about the lack of support we had given to her when she wreaked her car 5 years ago. She states we gave no support, which is completely false.  She hasn’t spoken to me in 5 days, but it typically is 3-4 weeks.  She only rages at me. My husband is immune. I have always been the primary parent regarding guidance, discipline, counsel. 
Husband has never been emotionally involved. I believe she loves me the most, therefore hates me the most too. I’m looking for similar situations with successful tactics to help me not feel so hurt. I know I can’t change her.  There have been hundreds of instances like this in 15+ years, this is just the latest. She lives about 3 hours away with her boyfriend of 1year. "

Hi, I completely understand what you are going thru. You could be describing my youngest. I'm new here too. I wish I had a magic wand to make her see reality.. thank you for sharing your story.




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