New to everything- BPD, daughters diagnosis and this site

[Beingrefined]

Hello.  A week ago my daughter was admitted to an inpatient center.  Three days ago I talked to the Clinical Coordinator, who thankfully got back ground information on her and our family.  He told me my daughter clearly had BPD. A condition that has gone without a diagnosis for 7 years, which I understand is for the better, due to the stigma of the diagnosis and getting proper treatment if given at too early of an age.  I will say, It has been a tough 7 years.  But here we are.  Honestly we just got to a point where we told my daughter we would no longer be part of her roller coaster. We set boundaries. She was not living at home, she told us she was living out of her car (not all true).  We reminded her she had a bed to sleep in and food to eat.  If she wanted to come home and find a job she could live at home.  We have rules but we never invaded her privacy.  Finally she moved back home. She had been living at home and working at a job she enjoyed.  She went to see a friend, that we don’t approve of, because she always becomes a horrible person to be around after being with this friend (takes on personality). We have told her that but she says she will have to be stronger and make her friend a better person.  She was with the “friend” for a week, comes home and after the second day makes an attempt to end her life.  But thankfully, here we are with a diagnosis and hopefully the help to get her better. Now, all the years that we have worked to put behind us, we need to dig up and unravel.  So I sit with my Family Feedback Form For Treatment Plan working to recall everything I have worked to forgive and forget. Let’s get to work!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Oh my goodness! I can feel a tear coming reading your post! Hopefully this is a different starting point on a journey towards healing for your daughter and yourself.

Sending hugs and thoughts to you and your family.

[PearlsBefore]

 

Welcome to BPDFamily, happy to meet you, sorry you're here...

I think it sounds like great news that she's been taken into an inpatient centre; from what I've heard from others, the hardest part is that first entry because often they'll resist it with the most furor. But having gotten your foot in the door here, so to speak, even if this particular intervention ends up not being entirely successful...she'll be hopefully more likely to seek out help in the future.

The "good news" I can offer from personal observation is that while "normal" doctors and nurses are often very UNhelpful to people with Borderline Personalities because they just glomp "psych cases" together in their head - the medical staff at inpatient psychiatric wellness centres are actually REALLY good at responding to Borderline Personalities because they understand the distinction between how you respond to a normal person making a suicide threat versus a BPD, how to react to violence from a BPD rather than from a normal person, etc. The pwBPD I saw the most in that environment had some bruises from staff members that she crowed about endlessly, how she was going to sue them for tackling her, etc - but ultimately they seemed to be doing her some good...and it seemed like they might be the first people in a long time who helped her learn how to control herself. I didn't follow-up with her long-term after discharge so I'm not sure about the lasting effects, but yeah - I'd say the medical staff at an inpatient facility like that are really much better than general hospital/medical/therapy staff.

I've spent a decade reminding people (including a very entertaining week this past week) that "No, BPD is not Bipolar (nor does it mean they're almost-Bipolar) and please do not respond to BPDs or judge them the way you do with Bipolars"...but it's how even doctors outside of specialists tend to view it. So getting her in a place where even the janitorial staff have an understanding of the "Borderline" patients as distinct from the OCD, p. schizos, etc, is worth its weight in gold.