Feelings frustrated with my fiance

[Pvd-idoc]

Hi,

I have a fiance who has bpd. It is something I was sort of aware of before we starting dating. Of course, that did not prepare me for challenges of having a significant other with those traits. She is a lovely, kind and empathetic person but her reactivity means that her mood can change very quickly and small disagreements/arguments can quickly devolve into shouting and and her subsequently breaking down. Of course, many times it's my fault too but it frequently feels like I am walking on eggshells. We moved together to a new city almost 2 years ago. We have several friends and have a nice little community but sometimes I feel isolated from my old life and family in some way. She also can be very needy emotionally and sometimes I just feel spent. But she often interprets me trying to make space for myself or interests as sign that I am tired/annoyed/bored with her. She is very self aware of her issues but I often suppress thing because I worry it might lead to a meltdown (her words) where she has panic attack of sorts, where she becomes extremely agitated/upset and express suicidal ideation. Again most of the times things are totally fine but I cant really share with anyone the emotional ups and downs I go through because it's not for me to tell other people about her issues which makes me feel even more isolated. Sorry for the rambling nature of my post but it's feel good to express some of the feelings. We just got in a fight after she spoke to her older sister where she thought her sister was being very condescending to her. I tried to be validating but I felt her response or feelings seemed out of proportion to whatever their interaction actually felt like. That made her very upset because she feel likes I always take her family's side and I think she also feels insecure that I am in someway more like her mom and sister who kinda bookish and nerdy like me. Anyway, I know things will be okay because she always apologizes when she is in the wrong but sometimes it's still hard

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