Accepting the truth

[FadingAway]

When your 14 year old daughter hands you an article about BPD and tells you she found out what is wrong with daddy, it's time to accept it.  There's a problem.
I owe it to the well being of my daughter to sit down with my spouse, discuss his symptoms and attempt to get him some professional help.
I just don't know how I start that conversation, and what do I do if it turns into a screaming match about "how it's not him, I am the one with the problem?"
Anyone have any ideas how I begin down this road?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[EZEarache]

I'm trying to figure out an answer to the same question, but my son is 10 months old, so he is in no way the one doing any diagnosis. Even examples of how NOT to handle it would be useful so I can learn from other's mistakes.

[FadingAway]

A year or so we decided to go to a marriage counselor.  The MC told us, after 3 visits that she couldn't help us.  He needed to go to Therapy on his own to figure out his issues and I needed to go to therapy to find myself, who I seem to have lost since my marriage.
He refused to believe he needed therapy, said if I went on my own to make sure it didn't come out of "our" money.
So, I am really not looking forward to having yet another conversation about him needing therapy.

[beatricex]

Hi fadingaway,
I can hear your struggle and need for acceptance of the truth.  My Mom has BPD and she's in her 70's.  The best my dad (who is codependent) could do was get her into couple's therapy.  Did it help?  Not really.  My Mom still manipulates, tries to ruin people's lives, and in some cases has probably suceeded.

Good luck, I don't envy you and the fighting match.
 
b

[EZEarache]

tries to ruin people's lives, and in some cases has probably suceeded.
b
[/quote

Wow, that really hits home for me. I'm still trying to figure this all out because there's no diagnosis. She has literally tried to ruin our neighbor's life over a dispute with their driveway. The night before our huge blowout she was stalking a crooked racist cop online she'd read about somewhere. I think she said something along the lines, "I can ruin is life." It made me feel really uneasy, while she was doing it.

She's gotten really into Black Lives Matter, and since our son was born, she feels a personal duty to take on any form of racism she sees. Admirable to a certain extent, but her comments and stalking felt really foreign to me. What has this man done to you directly to deserve this much negative attention from you?

Anyway, I really need a way to convince her to get help herself. She has a lot of great qualities, we have a child together. I'm willing to do my part to make it work. How do I convince her to work on herself as well?

I'm afraid the answer might be, I can't.

[Orangesoda]

When your 14 year old daughter hands you an article about BPD and tells you she found out what is wrong with daddy, it's time to accept it.  There's a problem.
I owe it to the well being of my daughter to sit down with my spouse, discuss his symptoms and attempt to get him some professional help.
I just don't know how I start that conversation, and what do I do if it turns into a screaming match about "how it's not him, I am the one with the problem?"
Anyone have any ideas how I begin down this road?

Hi FadingAway
I just read an article that may be helpful to you if you haven't already seen it. Up top on the green bar under diagnosis + treatment is an article "Getting a loved one into therapy". I too am trying to find a way to discuss these issues with my BPD dil.