Undiagnosed BPD - what should I do?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello, I am convinced that my wife has BDP and this is causing significant strain/stress in our relationship. She blames all our problems on me and just wants out of the marriage. Any suggestions other than those in the Stop walking on Eggshells book? I am working my way through that book and have been trying to install some of the suggestions but it is very difficult.  Thanks! Jeb

[Jeb H]

Hello, I am convinced that my wife has BDP and this is causing significant strain/stress in our relationship. She blames all our problems on me and just wants out of the marriage. Any suggestions other than those in the Stop walking on Eggshells book? I am working my way through that book and have been trying to install some of the suggestions but it is very difficult.  Thanks! Jeb

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Probably the easiest thing to begin with is to learn not to invalidate her.  Here is a helpful article:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating

And learning to listen well also helps:  https://bpdfamily.com/content/listen-with-empathy

Learning new communication skills takes practice, yields wonderful benefits. Keep reading and post more about what issues you are dealing with in your relationship.

[Mutt]

Hi Jen H,

I notice your title and post. Cat Familiar have you great advice. How long have you been married for and when did you cour in about BPD?

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Some suggestions are difficult but become easier the more you practice and also knowing when to apply it. Also sometimes the tools don’t work depending on how a loved one is feeling and it’s ok if it doesn’t work.