My mother has BPD and I am exhausted

[rollercoaster51]

Hi there,
I am so done with this illness.  It is exhausting, makes me feel crazy and like a bad daughter, I am tired of being "punished".
I need help.

[beatricex]

hi rollercoaster51,
Welcome.  Would you like to elaborate on your borderline mother? 

The most crazy making thing mine does (lately) is after an "event" pretending like it just didn't happen.  I am trying to find a way to go low low or even no contact, but it's exhausting to think this will trigger her abandonment and maybe even backfire.

That said, I keep having my bloodwork come back High for cortisol (the stress hormone).  I know it is in my best interest to find a way to get her out of my life and/or head.  My husband, too, is having heart issues.  We need to relax not be "on edge" 24/7.  So, in some ways it's a matter of life or death.

Just wracking my brain to come up with the means to do it.

welcome, I'm glad you found this board, there's a lot of support here (although it's been eerily quiet lately)
b