Hi and welcome!
Yep, you'll find a ton of kindred spirits here!
Like everyone else, I'm sorry that you're struggling! It's so painful to love another being who - without having psychological issues - would be ideal partners for us.
I'm 25 year into a marriage and I'm ready to "tap out" finally. I simply have nothing more I can give. The final straw was about 2 months ago, after a rage outburst (cussing me out for nothing, and him cutting off his wedding band). Surprisingly (but, then again, NOT) the ring magically reappeared on his hand a few days later and like nothing ever happened.
The abuse is real and I have to face that, and I have to accept that it's been going on for a long time. I'm working to being "separation" and (likely) that will end in a divorce.
My emotions are all over the place - as I'm sure yours are. While I don't have to deal with substance abuse issues on top of it (OMG!), I'm struggling.
I applaud you for seeking some outside support. You really need it! Being "alone" in that environment can seriously begin messing up YOUR perceptions of reality.
In doing so - it makes me wonder if you're now reaching a point where the red flags are so large, you're ready to begin questioning what is best for you.
I'm glad that you have your own therapist/counselor. I can't recommend them strongly enough! They can help you process these things and help you begin re-affirming who YOU are (sans the partner). Even when we're married to, or with another - our lives ARE still OURS. We, too, have needs, and deserve happiness.
Sending support and healthy vibes to you!