Introduction

[Depression = 72% of members]

New here, I am in “confusion” stage. My therapist has identified my SO as BPD (without having ever met her; doesn’t feel right but apparently the DSM doesn’t lie). I go from hero to zero so fast I can’t catch my breath. SO has history (and scars) of self harm. My birth mother died of suicide, my adoptive mother attempted suicide, and a cherished uncle did a long slow burn (think “Leaving Las Vegas”) so I have issues with threats of self harm and alcohol. Did I mention the alcohol. I don’t really drink, maybe 2 beers a year. SO is daily and it seems the higher her BAC goes the more evil I become. She’s not interested in seeing any professional. Has other health issues and hides substance abuse (oxycodone, valium, alcohol) and use from Docs. Most days, I feel like I’m crazy, living in a shifting alien landscape. Howdy!

[GreenMan32]

New here, I am in “confusion” stage. My therapist has identified my SO as BPD (without having ever met her; doesn’t feel right but apparently the DSM doesn’t lie). I go from hero to zero so fast I can’t catch my breath. SO has history (and scars) of self harm. My birth mother died of suicide, my adoptive mother attempted suicide, and a cherished uncle did a long slow burn (think “Leaving Las Vegas”) so I have issues with threats of self harm and alcohol. Did I mention the alcohol. I don’t really drink, maybe 2 beers a year. SO is daily and it seems the higher her BAC goes the more evil I become. She’s not interested in seeing any professional. Has other health issues and hides substance abuse (oxycodone, valium, alcohol) and use from Docs. Most days, I feel like I’m crazy, living in a shifting alien landscape. Howdy!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

I'm so glad you found us.  I want to assure you that you have found a group of people that "get it". 

Sounds like a very tough situation, especially with the alcohol involved.

I get it that your SO doesn't want to change or see anyone professionally.  Are you ready to change things?

Best,

FF

[Gemmie]

Hi and welcome! 

Yep, you'll find a ton of kindred spirits here!

Like everyone else, I'm sorry that you're struggling! It's so painful to love another being who - without having psychological issues - would be ideal partners for us.

I'm 25 year into a marriage and I'm ready to "tap out" finally. I simply have nothing more I can give. The final straw was about 2 months ago, after a rage outburst (cussing me out for nothing, and him cutting off his wedding band). Surprisingly (but, then again, NOT) the ring magically reappeared on his hand a few days later and like nothing ever happened.

The abuse is real and I have to face that, and I have to accept that it's been going on for a long time. I'm working to being "separation" and (likely) that will end in a divorce.

My emotions are all over the place - as I'm sure yours are. While I don't have to deal with substance abuse issues on top of it (OMG!), I'm struggling.

I applaud you for seeking some outside support. You really need it! Being "alone" in that environment can seriously begin messing up YOUR perceptions of reality.

In doing so - it makes me wonder if you're now reaching a point where the red flags are so large, you're ready to begin questioning what is best for you.

I'm glad that you have your own therapist/counselor. I can't recommend them strongly enough! They can help you process these things and help you begin re-affirming who YOU are (sans the partner). Even when we're married to, or with another - our lives ARE still OURS. We, too, have needs, and deserve happiness.

Sending support and healthy vibes to you!