Silent Treatment

[Corgis4Lyfe]

I am currently receiving the silent treatment from my mom... and the guilt is really eating at me. About 5 weeks ago she calls me crying saying I don't call her enough anymore and that she know's I'm busy, but she's the mom. A little background: my mom is an anti-vaxxer, conspiracy theorist and has uBPD. Then 3 weeks ago I told her my husband and I had COVID vaccine appointments and I stood my ground saying "No matter what you say, I will still get it." She became silent then left without any hugs, I love you's, or thank you's.

It has been exactly 3 weeks and I have not heard from her and I have thought about it all day every day. I feel guilty and I know I shouldn't. With the guidance of my therapist I am finally in a place where I am able to take a stand and not give in to her silent treatment by calling and apologizing, which is exactly what she wants me to do. I will no longer tolerate this behavior... but the guilt is real.

I'm feeling especially guilty because Mother's Day is coming up... the pull to call her and just give her the apology she wants is pretty strong. I'm trying my best to go through my days and set down some of that guilt but man, it's hard.

[Sluggo]

Corgis, 

So sorry you are going through this. 

I would challenge you to not use the word guilty. ...  as that means you did something immoral or unethical. 

Perhaps reread your post and replace guilty with 'sad' or 'sadness'.   You are sad about the missed contact with your mom. That is normal and expected feeling. 

Sluggo

[Em9321]

I am also receiving the silent treatment from my uBPD sister currently because I decided to move in with my boyfriend of 7 years... Any other person would say that's a perfectly normal and rational thing to do, but not her. She absolutely freaked out saying horrible things about him and threatening me. We now have not had a conversation in over 4 weeks. I know she is expecting me to say something or somehow apologize for this situation, but I won't. She has also been able to suck my mom into her dysfunction, and my mom is, and has been, curt with me no matter what I do.

I am so sorry for your situation with your mom. It must be so difficult knowing in your heart that you are making the right decision to protect yourself and your husband, but having her be upset over your choice especially, when it sounds like she is severely misinformed. I think you need to be very grounded in your decision to keep yourself safe, and you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for whatsoever. What you are doing is in no way harming you or her. It sounds like she may be throwing somewhat of a tantrum because you didn't listen to what SHE wanted for you, and in all honesty that's her problem to deal with, not yours. Stay strong in your decisions and convictions, and know that this is not your fault. All the best to you <3

[Cait]

I'm sorry to hear this, I know it's hard. I'm glad you have a therapist who is helping you establish healthy boundaries. It's a good sign that you are holding your ground and I think it's also normal to be feeling discomfort about it.

As for Mother's Day, perhaps you could do something kind yet firm, like send her a card saying Happy Mother's Day and that you love her - without apologizing. Sometimes, I try to determine what is the least amount of contact to have while still being kind.