Lying and how to approach it

[Skilmeragain]

My girlfriend of 5 months and I  are in a long distance relationship as of now, last night she went to see her friend from out of state to help her move and see her before she leaves for school. During her drive we spoke on the phone and said we would FaceTime this evening like we always do every night. We texted throughout the whole night and things carried on really normal.. Now when I went to ask her last night if we were still FaceTiming tonight, she instantly went completely ghost and disappeared. I just got a text at 4 am her time that she fell asleep, which I so want to believe, but it’s hard because only 3 minutes before I texted her she sent me a bunch of DMs on Instagram and a Snapchat of 20 min before that her still drinking. The thing is I know she’s visiting her friend and I completely wouldn’t have been upset if she couldn’t FaceTime. I don’t know if she’s likely scared of the reaction if she told me no so she just avoided the conversation. But still it’s hard to trust her when her story doesn’t line up. I don’t know how to approach her and the situation. I don’t want to shame her, cause I do still love her but I’m fairly hurt and although it’s minor it makes me have less trust in her. I want her to feel open enough to tell me when she can’t do something and that I’m not going to react in anger.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Laylabelle1]

This is  typical of damned if I do and damned if I don't. Start pulling her up on her lies, she will retreat.
I've done it, Silent treatment until I reached out. Then you won't be anywhere forward.
I believe sometimes the lies are said because they think the excuse will sound better than the truth. Completely in the moment without realising that you're not stupid.
Years down the line I looked back at so many needless lies.
It all comes down to how many lies you count up but pass off for fear of losing someone.
Thats when I started working on myself and asking myself why I was desperate to hang on because lies hurt and as they escalate to bigger ones you end up paranoid never knowing if anything is true and then becoming a detective.

[once removed]

The thing is I know she’s visiting her friend and I completely wouldn’t have been upset if she couldn’t FaceTime. I don’t know if she’s likely scared of the reaction if she told me no so she just avoided the conversation. But still it’s hard to trust her when her story doesn’t line up.

its important to see it this way. people lie, or fib, or omit, or dont follow through, for a variety of different reasons and motivations.

for example, i had someone recently asking me to video chat. i wanted to, but at the same time, video chats are the most awkward thing in the world to me, and i kept putting it off out of anxiety. could it be as simple as she doesnt like video chatting?

ultimately, this event could either hold more or less significance depending on the context of your relationship. does she do this sort of thing regularly? is she flaky? are there other areas in which you dont trust her?