Before I left him I asked him repeatedly to get professional help, to no avail...
My husband has recently started saying all the right things, willingness to go to therapy, taking responsibility for his abuse etc...
Anyone have experience with giving them another chance?
Willingness for therapy? But he hasn't actually
done it? Is something holding him back? Is he waiting for you to agree to return
before working on himself? He would have to work on himself
for himself not for other people.
Promises are easy, what matters are the actions. And when dealing with these acting-out PDs, the long term actions. If he starts therapy, will it be meaningful or will it fade after a few weeks and declare he doesn't need therapy any more? Will he make changes to his thinking, perceptions and behaviors? That's hard for even reasonably normal people to do, when dealing with the extremes of PDs...
Let me add that it is not illegal to remarry someone. If you divorce and it turns out that he really does apply himself in meaningful therapy and does make lasting improvements to himself, his perception and behaviors, there is no law that says you can't marry him again. Of course, you'd have to be doubly careful before doing that.