I agree with FF that she needs to pursue disability if she is truly physically and mentally unable to work, and it sounds like she is. Her treatment team should recognize that.
Disability is based on family income, and is a long process often taking years... not really an option for her.
In the past we've discussed starting the process now so that when I retire in 9 years it is in place. As a reference it took 9 months to get our D assessed, and it will take another 3 months for the government to make a decision... and you only need to spend 30 minutes with her to realize she is clearly disabled (almost 3, no speech, little awareness of other people, her language development is assessed at 7 months level).
What is the level of involvement with CPS? Do they have their own criteria they expect her to meet in order to get unsupervised visits? Do they have goals set for her regarding mental health, housing, income, etc.?
CPS is in a holding pattern. They have not
quite labelled her actions abuse/neglect, so there is not currently court involvement as a direct action against her or me. However, they haven't "closed" the case against us that was opened on March 8th even though they have a 30 day window that can stretch out only under special circumstances. We are apparently into the special circumstances criteria. Things would be SO much easier if they stepped in and set a parenting plan for her. I've cooperated fully in the hopes that would happen, but no luck.
Seven weeks ago I met with the CPS agent. She told me that my wife was unstable. She told me that she felt the children were safe in my care. She also said that she didn't think that the case
quite fit the definition of abuse, though if the 2nd attack had involved the children I'm certain it would be a different conclusion. She started to say that my wife can't live in the house with us, then corrected herself and said it was not a good idea. She then said she can't give me legal advice, but that if I wanted to get a restraining order here is a pamphlet for the agency that helps victims of abuse set one up (then handed me the pamphlet). She then said she was going to do one final interview with my wife and close the case after that interview. I later read the CPS handbook on domestic violence, which specifically states not to tell victims to keep the abuser out of the house or to get a restraining order. Recent research indicates those two things put the victim at risk of much harsher violence. I can only speculate why she hinted so strongly, but I find it most likely that either she felt the kids would be taken away if I don't do those things or that my W was not a threat for escalated violence and so those would be best options.
I contacted her a couple weeks later (five weeks ago) and was told that her supervisor was not comfortable closing the case because of how close the two acts of violence were (March 5 and April 13), and that they were going to monitor things. I had assumed that meant they were going to wait to see how all the court cases turned out. Since then, I won her appeal of my RO and had her RO overturned. She took the plea deal for divergence on the DV case and started her classes. No word from CPS though, so I'm unsure what will give them confidence to move forward one way or the other.
If she wants to improve her mental health...being able to solve her own problems is usually better than having someone else care for her..instead of her caring for herself.
My challenge to you is NOT about the details or reasons..it's about the mindset.
Do you get the "mindset" issue...where your "head is".
I understand what you are saying. I probably even agree with you on principal. However, I think there are extenuating circumstances:
- My income disqualifies her from any assistance.
- My area is one of the homeless capitals of the USA, and any possible help is backed up for months.
- Her only option to get away from my income, and get assistance, is through divorce.
- If she gets divorced she loses her treatment team and IMO, any chance at mental health recovery.
- If she doesn't recover her mental health, it will be more expensive in the long run and worse for the children.
Perhaps I'm using circular logic and just not seeing it... but this seems clear to me. I'm very open to being wrong here, but I don't understand why you think I am...
