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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Things you can never say to a pwBPD  (Read 1577 times)
I Am Redeemed
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« Reply #30 on: June 25, 2021, 08:58:05 PM »

Everyone doesn't have to come to your rescue or defense. Your interpersonal problems are due to your own behavior!
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Couper
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« Reply #31 on: July 04, 2021, 10:12:41 PM »

What do you want -- a medal?

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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #32 on: July 05, 2021, 02:06:31 PM »

Can’t you set aside your feelings for a minute and think rationally?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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« Reply #33 on: July 05, 2021, 04:45:23 PM »

C.F.  Hahaha

Me: You said you wouldn't do that.

Him: You made me say it.
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GaGrl
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« Reply #34 on: July 05, 2021, 05:46:04 PM »

"WHAT were you thinking?"
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"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
B53
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« Reply #35 on: July 07, 2021, 10:22:56 AM »

I never actually said this, because it’s an understatement to say it would have not gone over well, but thought about it many times, but held my tongue. I’m sure others have said it.

“here we go again”
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #36 on: July 07, 2021, 11:37:35 AM »

Do you have any idea how others see you?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Sluggo
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« Reply #37 on: July 07, 2021, 10:46:34 PM »

Excerpt
here we go again

When there was a blow up ready to happen,  I would sing in my mind the song from Pink Floyd the wall. 'On of my turns coming on '

Then often I would think of the scene from the same movie where the guy just went ballistic started destroying everything in his hotel room while this song was playing.

Sluggo
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GaGrl
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« Reply #38 on: July 07, 2021, 11:06:33 PM »

When there was a blow up ready to happen,  I would sing in my mind the song from Pink Floyd the wall. 'On of my turns coming on '

Then often I would think of the scene from the same movie where the guy just went ballistic started destroying everything in his hotel room while this song was playing.

Sluggo

Another brick in the wall...
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"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
formflier
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« Reply #39 on: July 08, 2021, 08:43:34 AM »

Well..maybe this is a bit of a thread hijack..but this is something I used to actually say..and from time to time still dream of saying.

When I can tell an old circular argument is coming, along with a well worn "speech"...I've offered to let her relax and I could give her speech for her.

Then of course...the couple times I actually gave the speech...whoohoo...that put some gas on the fire.

Clarity:  I can't think of a single time this ever "helped", although perhaps I felt a big smug after some of them.  Not recommended.


Best,

FF

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B53
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« Reply #40 on: July 09, 2021, 05:02:49 PM »

I hope this post continues, it makes me laugh. There were many times I looked at him and wondered if we where in an alternate reality and we were. Sometimes you just have to think WTF and find the humor in something sad. I spent to many times crying, we should occasionally get a little laugh from the absurdity of it all.
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #41 on: July 09, 2021, 07:39:45 PM »

So you think everyone is not “on your side”?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
EyesUp
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« Reply #42 on: July 11, 2021, 04:54:55 AM »

Here are some of my genuine, certified, 100% authentic, guaranteed extinction-burst comments.  I've proven they work, so you don't have to...

We have no money this month (January) because you went overboard on gifts for the kids last month, which in fact were gifts for yourself <boom>.

I understand that you feel that I'm always critical, all the time.  Please write down one critical thing I said today.  Or this week.  Or this month.  Or this year <boom>.

Yes, of course you can test drive whatever you want, but no, we will not buy a G-Wagon, Rover, or Escalade <boom>.

No, I will not open a new joint account <ka-boom>.
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gloam
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« Reply #43 on: July 12, 2021, 11:32:24 PM »

This is great. So nice to laugh at the absurdity for once.
Here's mine:
"people have better things to do than spy on you."


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Forestrain123

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« Reply #44 on: July 13, 2021, 03:20:03 AM »

- All you do is talk about yourself
- Tell someone who cares
- Oops, yep you've already told me that story a million times. I get it you're amazing. Everyone, give her a round of applause.
- You chose to do those things, no one forced you.
- Nothing about that story adds up
- Nah, I'd rather do it this way, thanks anyway.

Could you imagine? LOL this is like therapy.
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #45 on: July 13, 2021, 09:36:03 AM »

Having a pity party again?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
kells76
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« Reply #46 on: July 13, 2021, 11:01:27 AM »

Yeah... it's DEFINITELY not your fault (*eyeroll*)
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Ventak
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To find out what I want, I look at what I do.


« Reply #47 on: July 13, 2021, 01:30:02 PM »

Okay then, go ahead and leave...  (Destroyed 9.5 years of building trust.  In my defense she had assaulted me 3 hours prior)
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Couper
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« Reply #48 on: July 13, 2021, 02:03:00 PM »

You are the architect of all of your problems.
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Sluggo
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« Reply #49 on: July 13, 2021, 05:10:07 PM »

Aye aye captain
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Couper
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« Reply #50 on: July 13, 2021, 09:45:33 PM »

(Looks at me with crazy eyes and says, "I don't trust you.")

Whaaatever...

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ForeverDad
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You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #51 on: July 14, 2021, 11:37:57 PM »

After an hour or two bearing the brunt of ranting and raging...
"How could people ever believe I'm the abuser and you're the helpless victim?"
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #52 on: July 15, 2021, 12:37:48 PM »

Jeez! What’s your problem?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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« Reply #53 on: July 19, 2021, 07:32:12 AM »

If you were a rapper, your stage name would be Cluster B.

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formflier
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« Reply #54 on: July 19, 2021, 08:44:46 AM »

If you were a rapper, your stage name would be Cluster B.

Pure gangster!
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Notwendy
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« Reply #55 on: July 19, 2021, 05:01:48 PM »

f you were a rapper, your stage name would be Cluster B.




and even produce a hit with the famous band "DSM-5"
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Couper
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« Reply #56 on: July 22, 2021, 10:27:12 PM »

"Oh good, I like that one.  That means I'm allowed to use that excuse, too."

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EyesUp
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« Reply #57 on: July 23, 2021, 05:03:14 AM »

"You're an anger artist.  You can find a way to create anger anytime, in anything."
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Notwendy
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« Reply #58 on: July 23, 2021, 07:02:13 AM »

Just please tell me the truth!


( response: how dare you accuse me of being a liar)
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #59 on: July 23, 2021, 11:13:21 AM »

So that’s OK if you do it, but NOT OK if I do it?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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