Could this be a sign of child alienation

[Newyoungfather]

Hello BPD Family,
Its been a long time since my last post and a few things came up, mostly all of them I was able to dodge the manipulation, however there's a noticeable change in my sons behavior recently.
We usually have our favorite places that we like to go to, mini golf, friend's house, restaurants, etc.  About 3 months ago we returned from vacation at the lake, my son enjoyed himself so much on the vacation and really wanted to go back again.
Now here is the troubling part:
Almost all of the things we like to do he now says he hates when I pick him up from his mothers house.
For instance I told him that we might be planning another trip the lake, he goes "I hated that trip".
I ask him if he wants to go to Rita's for Italian Ice and he goes "I hate that place". 
The I hate this/that has become a very common phrase lately, its very troublesome to me because those where his favorite places to go to. I try to affirm his actions and tell him that I feel bad that you didn't like our last vacation, was there something that you didn't like and he goes no I just hate everything.  Is this just a stage a 5 year old goes through or could this be a sign of child alienation.  I'm trying not to jump to too many conclusions on this one, just wanted to list the facts. I tested him the one day and took him to our favorite restaurant when he says he hated, once the night was over he didn't hate it anymore.

[worriedStepmom]

Could be alienation.  Could be contrary kid.  Could be signs of depression or anxiety.

My kid is contrary.  He will rave about a food and then the next time I serve it tell me he hates it and won't touch it.  I don't argue about his feelings.  Instead, I lean in.   "wow, I'm sorry you hate it.   I made it for you because last time you said you liked it.  Now that I know you've changed your mind, I won't make it again, but that's what we're having for dinner tonight."    Now there's no argument, he feels heard and validated, and he still eats the dinner I made. 

He went through a spate of depression when he was about 7/8.  He hated *everything* then.  Couldn't get him to admit anything made him happy.  We went to a therapist and a psychiatrist, and he was diagnosed with severe anxiety.  Dr said it often shows up in boys at around age 5 or around age 8.  Those are emotional milestones that some kids had a lot of trouble with.

[ForeverDad]

When we separated, our son was a few months shy of 4 years old, a preschooler.  She promptly started searching for advocates and with her having custody in the court's standard temp order, she took him there for 3 months before I found out.  When I mentioned it to my lawyer, he said, "Courts love counseling!"  It was two years later after the final decree when I was able to take him to his sessions.  The counselor wanted to end them then since the divorce case was over, but Ex continued conflict and so we continued sessions without her (she quit when she realized she couldn't use it against me) for a few more years.

Does your son have a counselor?  He's not too young.  A good child counselor can use play therapy and other skills to communicate with the child in an emotionally neutral setting.  And other issues may pop up over time where a counselor would be helpful as well.

If you have joint custody you may have to verify whether you have the medical authority to choose a counselor without Ex's agreement.  Even if Ex refuses, you can turn to court to petition it's approval.  As my lawyer told me, "Courts love counseling, doesn't matter whether it's adults or children."

[PeteWitsend]

Hello BPD Family,
Its been a long time since my last post and a few things came up, mostly all of them I was able to dodge the manipulation, however there's a noticeable change in my sons behavior recently.
We usually have our favorite places that we like to go to, mini golf, friend's house, restaurants, etc.  About 3 months ago we returned from vacation at the lake, my son enjoyed himself so much on the vacation and really wanted to go back again.
Now here is the troubling part:
Almost all of the things we like to do he now says he hates when I pick him up from his mothers house.
For instance I told him that we might be planning another trip the lake, he goes "I hated that trip".
I ask him if he wants to go to Rita's for Italian Ice and he goes "I hate that place". 
The I hate this/that has become a very common phrase lately, its very troublesome to me because those where his favorite places to go to. I try to affirm his actions and tell him that I feel bad that you didn't like our last vacation, was there something that you didn't like and he goes no I just hate everything.  Is this just a stage a 5 year old goes through or could this be a sign of child alienation.  I'm trying not to jump to too many conclusions on this one, just wanted to list the facts. I tested him the one day and took him to our favorite restaurant when he says he hated, once the night was over he didn't hate it anymore.

I think, as with all things, you need to see how this develops, but his reaction to me looks like she's coaching him on this.

Unfortunately, as troubling as this is, I think you kinda have to let this ride and see how it goes.  Hopefully, it peters out on it's own. 

If not, in order to go back to court and get a result to address this, the problems need to be more serious than verbal stuff like this. 

Keep documenting the times and dates of these statements, and look to get your son to a T, like ForeverDad suggested.