I sent an email to her

[Depression = 72% of members]

I just sent an email to my exGfWBPD. I kept it balanced, it was forgiving, rational and validating to her feelings. I was able to get a lot of things I felt I needed to say off of our chest, I feel lighter now. I let her know I'd contact her one more time, and that would be if I leave the country to say goodbye (I am only here for a few years, temporarily). I've been blocked for a week now. This may be a step backwards, but it felt like a step forwards at the time

It hurts that I still feel that I should cater to how she's feeling, that despite the fact she's brutally cut me out of her life, that I am empathizing with her extreme emotions in a way that leaves me, again, as the "fixer". She probably doesn't even care by now, it feels so unjustified, I feel like I deserve a lot more compassion and understanding, however this is the same old story with me and her.

We've never even emailed each other before, I don't even know if she'll read it. I know she checks her inbox on a fairly regular basis, it may even end up in the Junk folder. Part of me doesn't care if she reads it either way. I just couldn't live with it ending in a bad way, and let her steal that principle from me, at least I know I tried to be amicable. I'm on brilliant terms with every other ex I've had. I'm probably falling into the trap of trying to reason with an unreasonable person, but hey ho.

Here's what I'm expecting as a result of the mail:

• Radio silence
• Her picking a fight by twisting something I said in the mail
• A superficial response

What I actually want:

• To be on good terms with a person that's important to me

[IntoTheWind]

I just sent an email to my exGfWBPD. I kept it balanced, it was forgiving, rational and validating to her feelings. I was able to get a lot of things I felt I needed to say off of our chest, I feel lighter now. I let her know I'd contact her one more time, and that would be if I leave the country to say goodbye (I am only here for a few years, temporarily). I've been blocked for a week now. This may be a step backwards, but it felt like a step forwards at the time

It hurts that I still feel that I should cater to how she's feeling, that despite the fact she's brutally cut me out of her life, that I am empathizing with her extreme emotions in a way that leaves me, again, as the "fixer". She probably doesn't even care by now, it feels so unjustified, I feel like I deserve a lot more compassion and understanding, however this is the same old story with me and her.

We've never even emailed each other before, I don't even know if she'll read it. I know she checks her inbox on a fairly regular basis, it may even end up in the Junk folder. Part of me doesn't care if she reads it either way. I just couldn't live with it ending in a bad way, and let her steal that principle from me, at least I know I tried to be amicable. I'm on brilliant terms with every other ex I've had. I'm probably falling into the trap of trying to reason with an unreasonable person, but hey ho.

Here's what I'm expecting as a result of the mail:

• Radio silence
• Her picking a fight by twisting something I said in the mail
• A superficial response

What I actually want:

• To be on good terms with a person that's important to me

[YW2902]

I’m in a similar boat (explained in another thread). After 7 weeks NC I decided to send a simple “Hi, how are you and *her daughter*?). That was about 4/5 days ago now on WhatsApp, she read it and didn’t reply and hasn’t since but she didn’t block me which I thought was odd, blocking was common for her. You’d think after a 3 year relationship with all the drama and the deep connection I had with her and her daughter (I more or less brought her up from 1 year old) that she would be considerate enough to send one back saying they were okay, but no. Part of me wishes I hadn’t sent it but part of me thinks I was just trying to be nice and genuinely wanted to know about her and her daughter, especially after all the drama of the last 3 years which included suicide attempts, psychotic episodes, walking out on me and her daughter among many other things. Who knows what goes through their minds.

How long since you sent it?

[Cromwell]

For some reason i have wanted to do similar many times. Not sure why but eventually i dont i just have the feeling not to and it won't do any good

[IntoTheWind]

Who knows what goes through their minds.

How long since you sent it?

Yeah, figuring out what's going on is futile, in reality it's a guessing game, something you, or someone else did, didn't do, or did or didn't say is the reason why they have chosen to respond or not respond. It's actually why I called my account IntoTheWind, from the phrase "pis**ng into the wind". Hold your head high that you haven't lost character and are still interesting in the wellbeing of another human despite blocking you being common!

I sent it this morning, I still don't regret it actually. For me, it's just more evidence to how dysfunctional and different we really are. I'm still feeling relieved that I sent it. I feel a little sad too, but the comical nature of how brutally she could shut down such a reasonable and understanding message has made me smirk a few times today. And to be fair, I lit the fuse on this latest blocking, I knew she couldn't handle some of the things I said, even though a normal person would.

I think having a good sense of humour is essential in being in a bpd relationship. My sense of humour would get me into trouble all of the time. Sometimes I'd laugh at the ridiculousness of a situation, and try to highlight it to her, but it always added fuel to her fire . No fun allowed, and especially not when her Chuckie side comes out!

She actually said this to me once "If I'm going down, you're coming down with me!". Lovely isn't it

[4_04]

Similar situation here. While reading threads on this site just now, I received a message from her.  She said that "I" broke her heart. This was because she was able to manipulate me into doing everything but one thing -- spending forever with her. HOW in the world can anyone possibly spend their daily lives with someone who is impossible to reason with, joke with, have a normal conversation with without being interpreted maliciously? As much as I loved her, tell me--HOW? I love myself, too. I need to take care of ME, because the way this is going, I could see that I will just end up with emotional wounds and bruises on a daily basis.  She would tell me that I'm being passive (when I keep quiet instead of arguing), passive-aggressive (when I'm being kind in my answers when she's arguing with me), she accuses me of being late meeting her, etc.