apologizes

[Aliskwat]

Do People with BPD accept apologizes?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kitty1961]

In my experience they will say they accept an apology because that is what is socially acceptable .

They will use it against you and will never forget what you have apologized for .

I have been in this cycle for 25 years

[incadove]

Hi Aliskwat

Welcome.  From my perspective, I think maybe the question is, do you have something that you, from inside yourself, truly want to apologize for?

If so, its probably good to apologize, but for yourself, just because you feel its the right thing to do.  I wouldn't worry about how your BPD child will react or respond or accept it or use it against you.  If you are acting from your core values then you will not be subject to manipulation and you won't have to worry about it as much, I think.

If you don't truly want to apologize, then don't.  I can usually think of many things to apologize for myself!  But some things I don't apologize for even though my dd may think I should.  I can only say what I mean.  It doesn't "work" but it just is, for me.

Best wishes

[Naughty Nibbler]

Be cautious to NOT validate the invalid.  Only apologize for something you actually did do wrong.  Apologizing, just to appease someone, is a mistake.

Discussions about "don't invalidate" can get confusing.  The lesson on this website deals with validating/not invalidating feelings, as opposed to agreement with someone.  You don't have to agree with the way someone feels, to validate their feelings.  You are merely acknowledging their feelings: i.e. "I can see that you are very angry (sad, etc.).