Feeling beat up and dispirited

[Shane K]

I’m so glad to find this site. My daughter is 15 and just diagnosed with “BPD traits”. Already had ADHD, GAD and major depression. In and out of hospitals and residential 6-7 times over the past year. It’s been a nightmare and almost broke our family apart.

We have good supports in place now: mostly DBT therapy (she walked out of the last residential program we tried). And we are loving, supportive parents trying to help this child recover. But what’s killing me is she persists in this relentless negative narrative about ME! I am the source of her problems. I can do no right. Puts me down, reacts to me, won’t engage in therapy or conflict resolution. I feel blamed and just so so dispirited.

Has anyone else (moms) been through this? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? She seems to mostly think my DH walks on water though he is also super frustrated with her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Jetplane]

Hi.
I can completely relate to your post. I am a mum of a 16 year old daughter who has just been diagnosed with BPD traits. She has struggled for six years, the last 12 months being the worst. Numerous hospital admissions through self harm and suicide attempts. Her hyper manic episodes are terrifying, both for her and those caring for her. She can become violent and her verbal abuse is very upsetting. We have provided (what I hope) is a stable, loving home, but everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is my fault. Recently she has called me the worst names imaginable. She has been on Quetiapine for the past 6 weeks and is engaging in one to one therapy and also has a brilliant social worker, yet still she tells us that she intends to end her own life. I know this response may not be very uplifting, nor hopeful, but I just want you to know that you are not alone xxx

[By Still Water]

Hello Shane K,
    "Beat up" and "dispirited" really nails the feeling we have when the BPD loved one harshly devalues us. It  deeply hurts you, I know, because we know in our heart-of-hearts that we gave all our all to love them. I've found that finding our support system of understanding friends and self-care time helps. Accepting what I can't control has allowed me to lessen the feeling of being weighed down.  Taking time to remember the specific things we did, as parents, to go the extra mile, to see to his medical care, helps to deflect the false guilt that's slung at us.