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Author Topic: Issues with wife  (Read 2077 times)
SPD438

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married yet
Posts: 20


« Reply #30 on: May 01, 2022, 11:19:45 PM »

To the top.
Am currently experiencing extreme, difficult to handle emotions. I feel so bad for what is going to happen. Yet I shouldn't.
I truly feel so bad for my wife that she will have to go out into the real world, get a full time job and function as a productive member of society. Things she has NEVER had to do or even consider doing.
Bad in a sense because she won't even go visit with her daughter 1000 miles away due to her anxiety/ inability to schedule a flight and depart on it by herself.
I guess these unfortunates make it through life "on the backs of others".
I wonder where are the life skills she should have attained throughout her formative years?
I even went so far to explain it to my therapist relating that maybe "she was my cross to bear". He related that she was not, and that it would be extremely unfair and unhealthy to function this way for the next 25-30 years. I related that I certainly would not want that.
I think its going to start getting a bit rough until things are finalized. Rough in the sense that I'll be portrayed somewhat as an "abusive" man that won't heed her requests to reconcile, see how she's changed, etc.
I just try to keep it civil. I do not engage in unnecessary communications.
Even one of her daughters related that she needs to go and hook up with a retired old "sugar daddy" that could devote all of his time/energy to listening to her non-stop BS in exchange for whatever.
Therapist advises to keep moving and ixnay the attempts she makes to pull me back in due to a real questionable motive as to why she keeps trying. I don't think its out of love for me. I really think she wants to be taken care of.
Hard to accept.
Peace
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BigOof
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Never-ending divorce
Posts: 299



« Reply #31 on: May 02, 2022, 06:00:18 AM »

Excerpt
I truly feel so bad for my wife that she will have to go out into the real world, get a full-time job, and function as a productive member of society. Things she has NEVER had to do or even consider doing.

I doubt it. She'll have someone caretake her in a few months.
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ForeverDad
Retired Staff
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 16965


You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #32 on: May 02, 2022, 12:57:50 PM »

I truly feel so bad for my wife that she will have to go out into the real world, get a full time job and function as a productive member of society. Things she has NEVER had to do or even consider doing.

You've been married for about 7 years.  Your perspective is fooling you, she has two grown daughters and a minor son who is shared between parents.  So before you met her, she never had any support from anyone?  Your logic knows that to be untrue.

She's a grown woman, an adult.  Her daughters have left and are living their own lives.  Probably soon her son will too.  If she were a male I'd quip, "she needs to man up and face life."  But she's female and it's tugging at your heart strings.  We get it.  But you can't save her from herself.  Maybe an emotionally detached therapist (no emotional past baggage) could guide her towards a measure of recovery... but that's on her, you can't do it for her.

Have you read the handouts of Dr Joe Carver, a retired clinical psychologist?  His first handout article describes the controllers, manipulators, abusers, users and losers that can attach themselves to us in our lives.  "Poor helpless me, I'm a victim, save me from myself."
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SPD438

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married yet
Posts: 20


« Reply #33 on: May 24, 2022, 04:51:19 AM »

Good Day,
I'm amazed how much I learn by being on this site. I may not respond to everything I see on it, but believe me I take it all in.
This situation here is kind of taking awhile to dissolve/ seek dissolution. I filed November of last year.
Anyhow I believe there will be a time I will have to exit my own home and stay with my folks due to my being sick and tired of her trying to get back together. It plays on my emotions being under the same roof. I feel bad but know this is how things must go.
Even the minimal interaction we have I would call "grating" to me. She is laden with anxiety, and it can be depressing/ contagious to be around. I know now that this "is truly who she really is", and that I will not chnge/ make her better.
THANKS
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