I’m the crazy one I’m down today

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

It’s been almost a year I left the relationship.
So many things happened. Contact, no contact. But the last message I received from her, she told me it was clearly over and I have to move on.
I was no contact almost 2 months and last week, I sent her a message by saying hope she’s ok and her kids as well.
She ignored me.
The worst was today. A friend of mine (she caught her in a bar with another men when we were together) was talking to a guy who knows her.
The guy doesn’t know me but he was saying that I was harassing her (during a period she was in contact with me).
I’m so pissed off. I don’t even know why she told this to the guy.
I’m so chocked as well. I’ve never begged her or asked her anything. Just taking news in a friendly way.

[Anonym2806]

It’s been almost a year I left the relationship.
So many things happened. Contact, no contact. But the last message I received from her, she told me it was clearly over and I have to move on.
I was no contact almost 2 months and last week, I sent her a message by saying hope she’s ok and her kids as well.
She ignored me.
The worst was today. A friend of mine (she caught her in a bar with another men when we were together) was talking to a guy who knows her.
The guy doesn’t know me but he was saying that I was harassing her (during a period she was in contact with me).
I’m so pissed off. I don’t even know why she told this to the guy.
I’m so chocked as well. I’ve never begged her or asked her anything. Just taking news in a friendly way.

[grumpydonut]

Sorry to read that

In terms of why, can't be certain but I'd make a confident assumption that it's because she wanted to come across as a victim so he could play the role of saviour while you play the role of persecutor.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Anon, No, you're not crazy, so don't beat yourself up!  The head and the heart have different timetables.  Even though you know it's time to move on, you still seem emotionally attached to her.  If so, that's OK, and just means you have more work to do in terms of grieving the r/s.  I suggest you find an outlet for your emotions: call a friend or family member, meet with a T, write in a journal, practice mindfulness, etc.  You get the idea!

LuckyJim

[Anonym2806]

Thank you for the kind words guys.
I see a therapist twice a month to help me in this process.
As he said, it’s a trauma and I need time.
I also have a good friend always there to remind me how good I am and too good for her.
What pissed me off is what she said to that guy. How is hat possible to be so mean to someone. People in her city were always saying “the crazy one” and I always defended her.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Anon,  You can't control what she says about you, so I suggest you let it go.  Those w/BPD say a lot of outlandish and unkind things.  People, such as those in her city, will see her for who she is.  Not your problem anymore.  It sounds like you have a good support group.  The goal, in my view, is indifference.

LJ

[Anonym2806]

Yes, very good support honestly.
I take it day after day. Everyday is different. Sometimes I miss her, sometimes she’s rubis and remember all the bad time and moment with her.
My problem is I still see the good side of her. I can’t help her and I can’t save her. I wish she can just go to the right therapy and heal from bpd.
But I guess I can’t stay here waiting.
I date other women since a few weeks. Plenty of qualities. But I still miss the « one ».
I wish I could fall in love from the first sight like with her.