If its not BPD then what is it?

[Rex31807]

She went to see a psychiatrist who told hwr she does not have BPD. The symptoms were the same. What other mental illnesses have the symptoms below?  I know i shouldnt try and diagnose but i was at a loss. Finally after 3 months she got help.
 

1. Anger
2. Violence
3. Fear of abandonement
4. Walking on egg shells to prevent her anger
5. Rage cycles that last for days

[grumpydonut]

Hey mate, I'm not an expert, but I am currently studying psychology and deeply interested in psychopathology.

What other symptoms did she have?

[Sappho11]

Covert narcissim ticks many of the same boxes, including fear of abandonment as well as the idealise – devalue – discard  relationship cycle. The outbursts of anger, mood swings, sensitivity to criticism, lying, entitlement, self-absorption etc. are just as debilitating as those of someone with BPD (both are a Cluster B disorders). There's a high comorbidity between those two manifestations, too.

BPD often gets misdiagnosed as depression or bipolar disorder (both in Cluster C, mood disorders), especially when irritability and sadness are present. Cluster B carries a certain stigma, even among therapists, as hard to treat and difficult, so they'd often rather diagnose a disorder in Cluster C. Two reasons why her psychiatrist might not have ascribed it to her.

Furthermore... most therapists are reluctant to diagnose any kind of personality disorder if there's no significant suffering on part of the patient or no grave effects on all (!) aspects of their life. Which means, if she's high-functioning at, say, her job and "only" lashes out at you – you're out of luck.

[Rex31807]

Thanks Sappho. I am trying to make sense of what it is and what makes someone behave in that manner. I didn't get a good feeling that she got some solid answers on how to get better. I know the doctor prescribed medication. These will be good for a period but then they start to lose effectiveness and the cycle starts over again.

It was hell living there. I am glad she finally got some help. I can't make it work no matter how hard I try. Detaching has been a slow and painful process. I have also started my own path to recovery. I found myself depressed and self medicating. I am now 30 days alcohol free. I am beginning to feel as though a weight has been lifted.

When I see a call coming in from her this wave of depression washes over me. I feel a cloud forming and I get depressed and dread listening to the voicemail or answering because I know it will b a long litany of how I abandoned her. I can't get her to see that I can't stay in the house with her chaotic behavior. When she lashes out and yells it is hell. Not to mention the violence. It is no way to live.

[kells76]

Hey Rex31807,

She went to see a psychiatrist who told her she does not have BPD.

Did the psychiatrist tell you that personally? Or, did you hear it from her?

Consider that some professionals won't necessarily tell a BPD patient "Hey, you're diagnosed with BPD!" That can kill the therapist-client relationship which is the foundation of treating BPD. That doesn't mean the client doesn't have BPD.

Also, not telling someone they do have BPD is very different from telling someone they don't have BPD.

So, if it were me, I'd consider (a) the source of the info, and (b) if the info is being "reinterpreted" (i.e., if nobody tells me I have BPD, ergo, they are telling me I don't have BPD)

Hope these questions help as you sort things out,

kells76

[once removed]

this is a good place to start when youre wondering if someone in your life has BPD: https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder

it notes that there are complicating factors that can look "bpdish" such as:

Complicating Factors  When we encounter high conflict or destructive relationship behaviors it is important for us to know that the problems can be caused by a broad range of things that look a lot a like:

immaturity,
short term mental illness (e.g., depression),
substance induced illness (e.g., alcoholism),
a mood disorder (e.g., bipolar),
an anxiety disorder (e.g., PTSD),
a personality disorder (e.g., BPD, NPD, 8 others),
a neurodevelopmental disorder (e.g., ADHD, Aspergers), or
any combination of the above (i.e., co-morbidity).

these are the dsm criteria for BPD: https://bpdfamily.com/content/borderline-personality-disorder

things like anger, violence, fear of abandonment, are not personality traits, per se. in other words, you cant use them to make a diagnosis of a personality disorder. for example, everyone has anger. lots of people are violent. personality disorders are diagnosed based on traits specific to the disorder, and based on the amount of distress they cause in the individual's life, not necessarily how much distress they cause others.

further complicating it all, a person may possess BPD traits that arent on a pathological level, or may not reach a clinical threshold for a diagnosis. and yet, for a variety of reasons, they may be an even more difficult person to love than someone with a diagnosable/diagnosed personality disorder.

[Rex31807]

The sad thing is she is a gorgeous hot mess that i need to put behind me. We had a shared history and there were more lows than highs.