Feeling Unsure

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been with my wife for over 10 years.  We have a 9 year old son who was a surprise early in the relationship. I love my family but recently I have been feeling that my commitment is waning.

My coping mechanisms have mostly been about avoidance.  As I have learned more about my wife's disorder, I actually find myself noticing behaviors that were so childish. I used to say that when she was doing well and I was doing well( I have a history of episodic depression) that we were very in love and that was the real "us" and it was worth fighting for.

I have been in counseling now for  3 years and she joined about 1 year ago.
English is not her first language so I have to translate for her in therapy very often. She heard the diagnosis last week. But I don't think it sunk in well.  We had a family talk this evening that I managed to de-escalate a few times but ultimately it ended in her yelling and then crying. She cannot hear any criticism.

As I re-read this it does outline our hard work and there has been progress. I have just been very tired of it lately and taking things personally and not forgiving her. I understand that it's not her fault, but it has worn on me. Sometimes I feel like I don't really know who she is.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for having a place to talk about this.

[Devbos]

I have been with my wife for over 10 years.  We have a 9 year old son who was a surprise early in the relationship. I love my family but recently I have been feeling that my commitment is waning.

My coping mechanisms have mostly been about avoidance.  As I have learned more about my wife's disorder, I actually find myself noticing behaviors that were so childish. I used to say that when she was doing well and I was doing well( I have a history of episodic depression) that we were very in love and that was the real "us" and it was worth fighting for.

I have been in counseling now for  3 years and she joined about 1 year ago.
English is not her first language so I have to translate for her in therapy very often. She heard the diagnosis last week. But I don't think it sunk in well.  We had a family talk this evening that I managed to de-escalate a few times but ultimately it ended in her yelling and then crying. She cannot hear any criticism.

As I re-read this it does outline our hard work and there has been progress. I have just been very tired of it lately and taking things personally and not forgiving her. I understand that it's not her fault, but it has worn on me. Sometimes I feel like I don't really know who she is.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for having a place to talk about this.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[DidntWantThis]

Welcome.  I'm new here this week, too, and this has been a great resource to get things off my chest and hear from others in similar situations.  So I'm glad you're here and I hope you'll find a little relief as well.

I'm married for 12 years.  The problems have been building for quite a long time in there, but I've done my best to cope and just push forward like this is "normal'.  But I've finally reached a breaking point, too, where I just can't avoid it any more.  This isn't a phase.  This isn't ok. So I've landed here for support. 

I don't have any answers on what to do, but know that you're not alone.  And it's ok to feel the way you feel about this.

Can I ask how long you've been noticing the signs of a problem for her?

[Devbos]

Thinking back, it has always been a part of our relationship.  I thought a lot of it was my fault early on. It wasn't until the last few years in therapy that I came to understand that her reactions aren't logical and likely have very little to do with anything I have done or are way out of proportion to a
I raised my voice in surprise the other day because I thought she was going to knock over a propane cannister. Just kind of said be careful. And we even had a little dialog there. But she interpreted my surprise as yelling at her and was telling me to f*** off.

 Her anger comes out as a stream of insults and confrontation. If I don't leave the house when she feels like this she will often follow me around muttering insults or even directly confronting me and calling me names.

[Devbos]

Also, if anybody can find good thai language literature on BPD it would help greatly. Thanks