Healing for former partner of a BPD

[Breadbasket]

After being in a relationship with a BPD for 20+ years with five children in the marriage, we recently became divorced. Since the divorce, I began a relationship with another woman who has exhibited very healthy personality traits and cares deeply for me. We have been dating for just over two years now. She patiently went through difficult attacks on me from my ex-wife especially attacks on child custody. She is always a listening ear and offers kind words of advice. Our first two years have been great. I have felt very healthy mentally throughout our time dating. This was especially true during the first year to year and a half. Recently, I have been noticing that I am having anxiety around my new SO and possibly even some paranoid thoughts. Basically, these are thoughts of how she might twist my words around or attribute my actions to different motives than the ones I intend. This relationship means a great deal to me so I don't want my anxious and even possibly paranoid thoughts to ruin what we have. I try telling myself that my new SO is not the same person as my Ex. I know that she isn't and she has shown me in so many ways that she isn't this way, but I feel the emotions getting stronger. Are there any tips for getting over the behavior of your ex in order to be in a healthy relationship?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[khibomsis]

Hi, Breadbasket and welcome to the family! I am so sorry to hear about your trust issues but I reckon perfectly normal after 20 years with a pwBPD. It is going to take time.
You will get better response on the Bettering Board, I would suggest you repost there. People dont come this side that often.