Aftermaths

[joshandjane]

Background - I have dated my pwBPD only for a short while but the breakup stretched for months more than the relationship itself. Due to poor boundaries and conflicted emotions I was walked over during and after the relationship. When I try to recall every single incident that happened it fuels me up with anger and frustration of how I let someone treat me so terribly. How everything was her feelings and none of my feelings. And even in this short while it included every form of abuse - hitting me, gaslighting me to feel guilt, lying all the time, threatening me with self-harm or suicide, triangulating me with her exes to incite jealously, cheating with them also, saying false things to my friends etc.



For the past few months I have felt hopeless, suffocated, angry, triggered, on the edge all the time. Since I could not say anything back because of her rage all the emotions are still pent up inside me. How do I process these emotions and let them out? How do I process the trauma of so many things happening within a few months? Is there any book or videos that helped?

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome joshandjane

I'm glad you found us and that you've shared some of your story in your first post. Sounds like some really tough stuff that you've gone through, sort'a like a tornado twisting you all up in every which way. I'm so sorry that you've gone through what you did.

For the past few months I have felt hopeless, suffocated, angry, triggered, on the edge all the time.

Right after I separated from my exH, it took me quite a while before my body, mind, and soul started to relax enough that I could lower my guard. To say I was hypervigilant is an understatement. I imagine you understand.

When a person lives in an abusive or traumatic environment, our body needs time to start to feel safe so that you can deal with the emotions. For me, after 35 years of marriage, I hardly knew what that meant, and it took time for me to figure it out. I had to stay no contact as much as possible.

What does getting safe look like for you? Do you have a T or someone you trust that you can safely talk to?

Wools

[Mutt]

Hi joshandjane,  



I’d like to join Woolspinner2000 and welcome you to the family. I’m sorry for the circumstances that led you to the site. I can completely understand how a r/s ( relationship) with a pwBPD ( person with BPD ) is very high maintenance. Unless the person is interested in helping themselves by getting professional help to work on their core wound so that they’re not subconsciously trying to externally have someone to sooth them or fix their problems  - it won’t stop.

I’d like to top up with what Woolspinnner2000 said in that there is hope things can get better with time and distance, seeking the help from a T or a P ( Therapist, Psychologist/ Psychiatrist ) a GP, seeking support from a trusted family member or friend that is not judgmental and doesn’t invalidate your thoughts and feelings and help from a support group.

Hang in there,

—Mutt