Noticing her family patterns

[Boogie74]

Her family is somewhat isolated.   Mostly uneducated and at times, willfully ignorant.   She has mentioned many many times that people don’t like her family because they are poor.   I had never heard of such a ridiculous thing.

When she told me that all of her siblings ex’s and their families “thought they were better than us”, I knew for a FACT that if and when things didn’t work out, I and my family would certainly be thrown into that same category.   I mean, how could it be that EVERYONE (she has 4 other siblings) anyone has dated or been married to is completely narcissist as a personality with her family as the sole victim of persecution?

Now I am coming to realize the reasoning behind such a blanket realization- much of the family seems to suffer from extreme black and white thinking.   “You’re either part of the family or you and everyone connected to you thinks they are better than us”. How can simply being in a relationship qualify EVERYONE as narcissistically judgmental of an entire family?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

I saw this in my mother’s family. I’m not sure if it was mostly her or if the sentiment was shared by other relatives.

I think it stemmed from feelings of inferiority. She came from a small town rural environment where most were relatively uneducated and poor.

When she found herself in the midst of more worldly and sophisticated people, she felt a deficit and thought that others were looking down upon her, her family, and her upbringing. I don’t know how true that was, whether it was the BPD speaking or if people really judged her negatively.

I didn’t see the shared background harming her sister, who socialized with a very upscale group of friends.

[once removed]

are the two of you still together?

[Boogie74]

We are still together.   She has no job and despite her mother telling her to move into her parents house- where her undiagnosed sister, alcoholic brother and her sister’s 2 children live (this is a major dysfunctional family), she has yet to move out.

I haven’t thrown her out.   She insists that her leaving will make me a destitute loser that can’t take care of himself (I’m 47 and have lived alone successfully for 8 years in this apartment alone without someone to take care of me).

[Cat Familiar]

How do you see this unfolding?

[Boogie74]

Either she will move out on her own or I will get another place and move- forcing her to make the move to her parents.