How can I deal with making things better when they block you on social media?

[Jennica]

ello everyone.

I have a friend I recently learned that they are diagnosed with BPD. I told them that I will be there for them and support in any way that I can. One day we got into an argument and told them I may not want to be friends with them anymore (I didn’t mean it, was in a heated conversation) and got to the point that they blocked me on all the social media except for one. Not sure if they got the message that I’ve sent but I’m not sure if they’re coming back or not. I just feel hurt and confused, but I’m glad we got to talk things out and able to tell them how I felt about the situation and we are obviously learning more about each other.

My question is, I’m assuming that they are splitting. (Still learning about BPD) would they ever unblock me? I know I wish I didn’t reply when I was angry but I’d like to think it as if we did not have that conversation, we both wouldn’t know how we felt. I know I may not be able to do much right now, but is there hope somewhere?

There was no cussing or any mean words were exchanged. We both got our feelings hurt, now it sucks that I cannot reach them and also giving them space.


They do usually shut down and we always communicate if they are not feeling well. I just don’t know how this will gonna turn out.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jabiru]

Hi and welcome No way to know for sure. My advice is letting her know you're there for her if she's open to it. At that point, it's up to her.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, and don't let it stop your life. If communication resumes, try not to be invalidating and don't enable. Lots of other great info and links on the site.

[Jennica]

Thank you so much for your reply! I know, I was thinking about I wish I handled it better, but I’m also learning too. I really hope there would be another chance to talk things out. I can be stubborn when I feel hurt.

Again, thank you for saying what you said. I needed to hear it.

[kells76]

Jennica, that's the million dollar question for so many posters here... will this person ever unblock me? If I ever figure it out, I'll share my $$$$ 

You'd like to handle it better, if you ever get unblocked. Jabiru shared a good link (on "don't enable"), and moving forward living a positive life also positions you healthily for any contact in the future. You want to be in a stable, healthy, calm place so you can respond instead of react to potential contact.

Validating questions are a great way to engage while slowing the pace. Validating questions are questions that are typically open-ended and allow the responder to share how they really feel or what they really think or did. Validating questions don't "trap" the responder into an answer or impose the asker's beliefs of "how things should go" on the conversation.

A "trapping" question might be something like "Didn't you feel so sad when you heard that?" See how the "correct" feeling is built in there?

A validating question might be something like "Oh wow... how did you feel when you heard that?"

Validating statements/words/body language/sounds are also a thing! Though perhaps more difficult online. Examples could be (imagine these with a warm, caring tone, and body language engaged):

Oh wow...

No way...

Yes...

Uh huh...

And then what happened?

And then what did you do?

Oh my gosh...

Mmmmm...

Ugh... (to a complaint)

...

These responses leave the door open for the responder's genuine thoughts and feelings, regardless of what you think they should or shouldn't have said/done/thought/felt. They can create a nonjudgmental space for sharing and keeping the "emotional temperature" down.

Could be worth a try as you consider learning new skills!

kells76

[Jennica]

Hello,

Thank you so much for your reply! That’s so helpful and I would like to include that the next time if they ever are open to connect with me again. I think I did “trap” them on accident and overwhelmed them. I hope we can have the chance to make things better..still no contact.

Thank you for your support!