Stokholm Syndrome?

[GaGrl]

Yes, FF absolutely is correct on the suicide threat protocol.

We are not psychiatric specialists. We are not mental health providers. We are not trained to assess the legitimacy of a suicide threat.

Because of that, you call 9-1-1 when you have reason to think that what she said is a suicide threat. Let the mental health team at the hospital assess the level of threat.

What do you think would happen if you called, once? Twice? If she is saying this to manipulate you, would that stop if she knows you will call for help? If it is a legitimate suicide threat, would she get help?

(BTW, you know it isn't a normal reaction for her to talk about suicide due to a children's sleepover?)

[babyducks]

I think she needs to be institutionalized or at least evaluated.
Based on what I have is it possible to get an involuntary commitment?

depends on where you are.     mostly in the USA there has to be evidence of real and immediate physical danger to themselves or others.    not just words but actions.     even then it varies from place to place depending on the strength and resilience of the mental health system.      calling 911 for a mental health check is the first step.     its not unheard of for the pwBPD to snap out of the episode when help arrives and become reasonable and calm.

lets switch gears to you.    how can you go about getting yourself some rest.   some sleep.  40 hours without sleep is not good for you.      can you put everything else on hold and commit to going some place peaceful and quiet and sleeping ?

[formflier]

Yes...I'll double down on make sure aunt has kids covered and you turn your phone off and sleep...

Best,

FF

[Guts42]

I got about 7 hours of sleep last night- more than I've gotten in weeks.

Yesterday my W said "the next time you f@ck up like this, I'm taking the kids out of state.  We're going to my mom's.  Don't do this again"

That felt like a sincere threat.  Someone who recently threatened to kill herself a few times is saying she's going to take the kids and drive halfway across the country?

Then, just before sleep she said, "if you want me to stay alive, stop making me mad"

I'm taking the kids to a few appt today.  From there we're going to the Aunt's house.  I'll be calling the police from there.  My W has made it clear it isn't safe for us to leave without permission so I'm going to use this as an opportunity to slip out.

I don't think it's safe for the kids, and especially me, to be around her until she's gotten some help.

[formflier]

Please let us know when you have called 911.  Let them know you have evidence of the threats...and it sounds to me like she is making threats against your children.

Do you want a suicidal person to be in any way...IN ANY WAY...responsible for the safety of your children?

This may be the time you just say NO!

Let police know on 911 and call a L about your options to prevent a suicidal person from taking your kids out of state.  Might be restraining order..protection order...different places call it different things.

So pleased you got some sleep.  Very important to keep your head clear and thinking wisely.

Hang in there...this is hard stuff, protecting your kids is worth it.

Best,

FF

[Skip]

What is your goal? Is it for your wife to get fixed by a third party, and if not, for her to be removed from home so you and kids can go on, mostly without her (or at least without her being in the home)?

Skip

PS. There is a lot of good advice in this thread. And I commend you for doing a three lawyer survey - that is smart. I want to add a few thoughts. I may have a slightly different perspective than some, and I want to suggest beforehand that you take all our comments on-board the same way you are surveying the lawyers.

Outside resources (court, community services) are tools, not a solution, and its important to understand the reality vs the promise of each tool. First and foremost is to understand how bureaucratic entities will see your wife and your relationship with her. They may put your wife in the bucket of depressed and difficult (as opposed to seriously mentally ill and a dire threat) and your struggles of your family to have peace and normalcy as typical of a family a trouble person in the mix (as opposed to abuse).

Calling 911 Don't do it unless there is a clear and present danger, and then, only do it if you can't talk her into putting the gun down and going to the nearest 24 hour mental health walk-in. You can get the name and address of that resource by calling a local suicide hotline. Don't call 911 to teach her a lesson - things can go wrong when a bunch of weapons converge on the scene and one person is being unreasonable or has issues with authority.

Calling the police Placing a call on the non-emergency hotline is safer - it will result in the police dispatching (maybe the next day or next week) someone to talk to her. In your jurisdiction, there is only 1 trained person handling 800 metal illness calls a year, so it is going to be limited. But a front porch chat will probably have her rethink making threats and you will have opened a record that will be helpful for a divorce proceeding/custody battle.

[I Am Redeemed]

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