How to walk away and disengage - Help

[jmbl]

When he is off the reservation saying whacky things.  Be neutral and disengage..perhaps mention you are available later to listen and understand.

Could you provide an example? I am a fairly practical learning and it would be helpful to hear what someone else may say. 

When he is "normal" or "positive"..then "lean into" the relationship...go overboard..tell him how awesome he is..etc etc.

I think this is what has been missing! Why is this not happening as much? Hmmm... something I need to reflect on.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[jmbl]

I just remembered something. Three days ago, N told me that he sometimes feel I am “suffocating him.” That I’m too positive, too loving. This is what he is asking of me now, only three days later.

Disengage is the name of the game. Both of the extremes are a need to communicate something deeper. When he told me I was ‘suffocating,’ I acknowledged it non-verbally but I didn’t respond and continued doing what I was doing. It blew over.

On a side note, on that same day, we had a very good conversation regarding feeling two emotions at once. I had told him I am nervous about returning to work after a week off (sick with a sick child!). I told him that I would likely be texting him the next day because of how short health care is and the weight that carries. We talked about how I was feeling happy, while feeling nervous, about returning to work. It was calm and amicable, it dawned on me quickly that he was equating nerves with negative emotions. He understood what I was saying and texted me in the morning to see how work was going. What resulted from a good conversation was my partner gaining understanding of me and being able to provide support. Small and good win.