Still need help about who and what to tell

[Hope4Joy]

A while back I had asked about telling uBPDs parents about what I suspected was going on as their relationship with him is strained as well. That was a big no. But I am still confused about how to get support from friends/ other family without telling them specifically what is going on. Our friends do not understand his behavior, which from their perspective is probably just unpredictable right now in terms of if he will show up to a get together. The lawn mowing got in the way a lot over the summer…
I have one of the friends in mind I would like to tell that I trust would not spread it any further, but how much info do I give?
I feel like my family is probably starting to wonder some things at this point too…

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

That’s a difficult question to answer. Do you share your suspicion that he has BPD? And even if she is trustworthy, perhaps she might share it inadvertently with her significant other, who may not be as tight lipped.

Do you think people would have more understanding and compassion for him if they knew he was dealing with a mental health issue rather than just being unpleasant or unpredictable?

And if you were to go into detail, could there be a chance that the BPD term could reverberate back to him?

I found a lot of support from friends when I confided in them.

However, some potential issues could crop up. As you’re probably aware, BPD gets a bad rap in online content and literature. Do you think friends and family might want to talk you out of the relationship?

Another way of approaching confiding in others would be to hint about a mental illness without going into details. Since MI is common, there might be less concern than if you mention BPD.

How do you think sharing your thoughts and feelings with friends and family would result?

[Hope4Joy]

I have mentioned depression to several people as a reason for his behavior and it has not gotten any more support our way.  Mental health issues would probably give him a stigma.

The one friend I am thinking of does know a little more about our issues than others already. She works with confidential info so I think she could handle it. It would definitely increase her level of concern for me so I guess I would have to hope she could support me no matter the decisions I make.

I have actually received several comments from his male friends that indicate they would not blame me if I ever chose to leave…even though divorce is basically nonexistent in our circle. So if our drama doesn’t level out I could see us being more alienated whether they know of an MI or not.

[AlwaysMean]

I have one of the friends in mind I would like to tell that I trust would not spread it any further, but how much info do I give?
I feel like my family is probably starting to wonder some things at this point too…

So I have been hinting to people who straight out inquire about the change in my own behaviors. Honestly, I see it too, that I am not committed to my hobbies anymore but more focused on his. I hint to them by saying I read this real cool called "stop walking on egg shells". If they care enough they will get through the book.