she reached out to me and I might be having a panic attack right now

[lichtermeer]

Please help me,

my ex just texted me that I should delete my email address because she doesn't want to have it in her head and I should just delete myself completely.
She also said that I should never visit her home town ever again and she wishes me everything but the best.

I don't know why but I'm in such shock and I'm panicking so much right now. I'm completly shivering and can barely breathe.
I never responded to her emails before where she pleaded me to come back. Why does she have to tell me now that she hates me so much. And I don't know what to do.

[poppy2]

He lichtermeer,

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I would try and name 5 things in the room that you can smell, touch, hear, or see.. colours, for example. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. You can say it out loud. It's a way of 'associating' that can bring you out of panic.

Crossing your arms and tapping your 'biceps' slowly and surely is also a very calming maneuver for extreme states.

Your ex is crazy. It's so important you don't internalize her craziness. We see and hear you as a stable person deserving of respect, not of maltreatment or abuse.

If it helps, imagine she is really talking to her parents, not to you at all.

I've recieved a lot of PLEASE READ from my ex over the weekend and I just tried to think 'her ghosts, not mine'. still drove me crazy though and was very destabilizing.

Hang in there 

[lichtermeer]

Your ex is crazy. It's so important you don't internalize her craziness. We see and hear you as a stable person deserving of respect, not of maltreatment or abuse.

Hello poppy,

thank you so much for your advice. It helped a lot! I'm still feeling very weak though.
I'm a bit frightened that she wants to see me dead. I just want to live in peace. Do you think she texted me out of a rage wich will disappear or will she plot anything against me? Of course no-one can truly answer this.
I'm so scared although she didn't really threaten with violence more likely that I have to stay away from her, which I'm already doing though.

[poppy2]

I'm a bit frightened that she wants to see me dead. I just want to live in peace. Do you think she texted me out of a rage wich will disappear or will she plot anything against me? Of course no-one can truly answer this.
I'm so scared although she didn't really threaten with violence more likely that I have to stay away from her, which I'm already doing though.

Hi lichtermeer,

I can't really say what she will do next, but I can give you some good advice: keep records of these messages. They're evidence. If it gets to the stage when you are frightened, you can use these threats as means of a restraining order, or frightening her back (to leave you alone). You can even think about doing that now, or, if you want to make a very strong move and you have common circles, publish the hate speech. It's a way of reversing shame or fright (but only you can know if it's the right thing to do for you, and it's maybe a step for another time).

These situations are very hard to deal with, I'm dealing with one right now. The best thing to do is tell people, which you've already done. Maybe tell others (family, friends?) you might be ashamed but it's a good idea not to internalize it.

Finally, she told you never to go back to her home town? do I remember right this was a big city, maybe a place you'd like to visit? if so, don't let her threaten you. You can go later, with a friend maybe. I think if you're so frightened then this probably is a form of violence, and unprovoked.

A final suggestion - if you want to, publish the messages here. I did it once and had somebody else's opinion and it really helped me.

Hope you're feeling better
poppy

[Ad Meliora]

Why does she have to tell me now that she hates me so much?

 

There's at least two people inside your ex.  Dr. Jekyll, she wanted you back and to be with you.  This is the person you fell in love with.  Mr Hyde, well, he wants to destroy you, annihilate you, delete you from existence and when he shows up--all bets are off.  Mr. Hyde thinks (if there is any "thinking") you're a threat and will do whatever is needed to remove you.  This is why we all talk about No Contact, it's no joke in many cases.

I like Poppy's recipe for preventing panic attacks.  We all want you to exist, Lichtermeer, and there are certainly many others in your life who do as well.

[Mutt]

Hi lichtermeer,

Is there context before this message? Was there a conversation?

Feelings are quicksilver to a pwBPD. They can put you on a pedestal one moment & they can knock you off that same pedestal the next. If she’s feeling intense feelings it means that there’s an attachment there. She’s baiting you. This is an inflammatory statement to get an emotional response.  Don’t take the bait.

Have you had similar episodes with her in the past and did she completely forget about what she felt / said?

I wouldn’t sooth her - don’t validate the invalid. You got some good advice already- change the tempo - so some breathing exercises, go for a walk, do some push ups, doo ok positive coping statements I am stronger than I think, These are feelings feel bad but they are temporary and they will pass

[lichtermeer]

Hi lichtermeer,

Is there context before this message? Was there a conversation?

 If she’s feeling intense feelings it means that there’s an attachment there.
Have you had similar episodes with her in the past and did she completely forget about what she felt / said?
[/i]

Hello together,

I didn't have a conversation with her since last august. I didn't respond to any of her e-mails in which she basically just begged me for closure. Now it seems like she's raging again. I'm scared because she knows that I kept her relationship with her a secret and if my parents find out (I'm dependent on them bc of university and of course don't wanna lose them simply because they are my loved family) I would get probably disowned. So she has that card in her hand and could play it whenever she likes. That's why I kept looking at the spam file in fear, that she would announce a letter to my parents or something, even after I marked her email address as spam.
Now a good friend of mine managed to set her e-mail address to the blacklist and her messages will be instantly deleted. I feel a bit frightened because I'm kinda losing „control" with this but also its something that needs to be done. I can't control her actions anyways and will never reply to her ever again. Every message gets me in a massive state of panic where I am for the next days and it's very hard for me to calm down.

Thank you all for your heartwarming advice.
Ad meliora, your sentence that you guys want me to exist moved me to tears. It still kinda feels like I internalize her words although I'm trying to get rid of them so badly.
Maybe there will be a letter from her soon, I don't know, but I just pray to never hear from her again. 

[Mutt]

You’re not responding back to her - you’re rejecting her that’s why she’s lashing out. I suggest you follow what your friend has done by deleting her messages if forwarding it to another email address but don’t check the other email.

[WhatToDo47]

Going to try all these tips. Thanks! Hope y’all are doing well!