Airing of Grievances: Open Topic

[Ad Meliora]

It's snowing heavy, wet snow.  My cats refuse to help shovel, or rake the leaves that are piled up under the snow.  My BPDex never helped shovel either, nor help with anything at my place that was a "chore".  My cats at least purr with affection, daily, when happy.  That's something I get back for all my "shoveling" of cat boxes and shoveling of food into their little bellies.  Time for a cup of tea.

What's your beef today?  BPD or BPD-free-since-2003, no matter, air it out.   (Anything can be "xxxx-FREE since 2003")

[Tuxedo Cat]

My grievance is my uBPD husband is being a complete  :cursing:and today my mother asked me why I fell in love and married a man like this.  Like, “what’s wrong with you”.  She didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but things are a bit rough inside my mind and heart right now and that just hit a nerve.  I’m dealing with the peeling back of the curtains on this 20 year illusion of a loving relationship and the idea that something in me caused all this heartache for myself just really sucks.

[Cromwell]

i wish the music and computer games were as good as they were 2003.

probably not as refined I pressupose as your high literature/music taste but here goes

favourite 2003 song: Tell it to my heart, Kelly Llorenna
favourite 2003 game: stronghold crusader

[grumpydonut]

Grievance:

She opened wounds I'm still struggling to heal.

She gets to have a relationship - as dysfunctional as always, from all reports - while I am alone.

[Ad Meliora]

At least we're all alone together, Grumpy.

In 2003, I got the final divorce decree.  Today I'm in my own house which only belongs to me.  Game on with all new components...

Tuxedo Cat,  your mom isn't going to be able to help you in this regard, other than to remind you it is ultimately up to you what you do and who you are with (or stay with).  Every day will likely have its struggles until your h gets the specific treatment needed for his BPD.  Grieve on.

[EYFGT]

I’ve been doing relatively well lately but had a dream this last night where it felt like one of the good, normal days and now I’m feeling pretty low today. I understand how I was discarded and that I was not responsible for her actions.  But as much as I feel like I’ve done a good job at becoming more honest, calloused, and more understanding of what our relationship actually was, it just sucks.. I’ll never understand how somebody can promise you the world and do it often and “sincere” enough you believe them, plan a life together, move for each other, change jobs for each other, only to be cast aside like a stranger who’d killed your pet. I don’t know today is just hard.

Also the way I was broken up with, not given any time to speak about how I felt at all. Over the phone we’d I’d just been with her that same day, and then blocked for a couple weeks really messed me up

[Ad Meliora]

Also the way I was broken up with, not given any time to speak about how I felt at all. Over the phone we’d I’d just been with her that same day, and then blocked for a couple weeks really messed me up

That's a fair grievance.  Their "truth" is tied to their feelings just like you felt good for awhile, but not today.  They felt good with you on Friday night, Saturday comes and the ole Etch-A-Sketch mind shakes loose those thoughts and they want you gone...for good.

You can always write down your feelings and what you'd say in a letter.  You don't have to mail it or send it.  It' won't do any good if you do, but that way you can express your disappointment with how it ended.  You can try and tell a 5 year old how heartbroken you are and that you can't go on with life.  A child just stares at you confused, she wants to have a tea party with Teddy and Barbie.  She can't understand what you're going through.

[once removed]

ill play.

my ex still has some stuff of mine. namely recordings of my music that i would really, really like to have, and will otherwise never get back.

i was thinking last night, what if i reached out, we got on good terms, and i were able to get them back?

i thought better of it.

[Ad Meliora]

my ex still has some stuff of mine. namely recordings of my music that i would really, really like to have, and will otherwise never get back.

Massive bummer on the music.  I think about Superman and Kryptonite when I think about going back to the ex.  That effect on him was immutable.  It wouldn't matter 5 days later or 15 years later, he'd be rendered powerless in its presence.

Thanks for playing.

[EYFGT]

That's a fair grievance.  Their "truth" is tied to their feelings just like you felt good for awhile, but not today.  They felt good with you on Friday night, Saturday comes and the ole Etch-A-Sketch mind shakes loose those thoughts and they want you gone...for good.

You can always write down your feelings and what you'd say in a letter.  You don't have to mail it or send it.  It' won't do any good if you do, but that way you can express your disappointment with how it ended.  You can try and tell a 5 year old how heartbroken you are and that you can't go on with life.  A child just stares at you confused, she wants to have a tea party with Teddy and Barbie.  She can't understand what you're going through.

I appreciate the response, I have a list of things I have written down that I read whenever I feel down or sentimental towards the relationship and try as I might to stay down, it always makes me feel like I 100% would never want her back. This forum does wonders for my mental state and I appreciate your time to respond.

[GuyIncognito]

Airing of grievance number who-even-knows-now: she continues to follow me on the one "social media" site I use that doesn't feature actual useful blocking features, Reddit.

Thankfully, I don't get notified when she replies to my stuff since I do have her blocked, but "block" is more like ignore there, which means she still free to choose whenever she wants to go through my posts and comments and add her own color commentary. Thus far, it hasn't had any actual effect, other than the first time she did it when she got drawn into arguments with a bunch of other people and then tried to text me demanding I "do something" about the people being mean to her.

I don't know at what point this kind of thing properly becomes stalking/cyberstalking. Since she's blocked completely elsewhere, I have no clue what else she might be doing or saying and I don't much care, but I sure would love to just not have to think about this at all any more. And of course, the stuff she writes "in reply" to me in these instances is at all times irrational and nonsensical, insulting in many cases too, but nothing threatening or otherwise the sort of thing I can imagine any authority doing much about.