Finally not alone

[Impudence]

I've been reading "stop walking on eggshells" and found this website and thought it might be a good idea to find a community. Although she's never been officially diagnosed my mother has borderline personality disorder and I find myself at 43 only now feeling the depth of the wounds caused by my upbringing. I don't want to say that I'm a victim of the way that I grew up but at least now I understand why I think the thoughts that I do and why I sometimes feel there's a Groove in the floor in my mind. No matter where I try to roll my thoughts toward it always goes into the groove. If you haven't read this book I highly recommend it. it is definitely eye opening for anyone who has dealt with someone with BPD. I realize now that my emotional development was stunted around age 2 without being able to establish trust and unconditional love with my mother.  And it's not her fault as her upbringing didn't help her emotional development either. I just feel relieved that I understand it now. I began this journey not to find fault or blame but to finally stop taking responsibility for everything and try to find and accept my true self - the one that exists without external feedback.  I have felt alone for a very long time but I am glad at least to know that I'm not alone. Thank you for letting me be a part of this group.

[pennymoo]

Hi Impudence,
Yours is only the 2nd time I've posted. I have to say, however, this site is great for support and to enable us to take hold of our "true" self again and defuse from the projections,manipulations etc that BPD (diagnosed and presumed) people engage in. I have come to realise I am NOT the only person going through this, I am NOT insane, and there is actually life outside the drama, uncertainty, fear and angst that these relationships engender.
I think just coming "here" is a step in the right direction.
Best wishes.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome to both of you, Impudence and pennymoo!  So glad you found us and made your first posts. 

I found this site about 5 or 6 years ago, and it was such a relief to know for the first time ever that I wasn't alone, that others also dealt with so many of the issues that I also did. We have a great Survivors Guide at the top of the page, one of the first couple of threads. I'd encourage you to read it since you're starting a new journey towards healing. The numbered topics open up if you click on them, and that'll help you explore what you might be going through. Everyone moves through the steps in different ways.

What step do you see yourself on? Tell us more about your stories when you are ready.

 
Wools

[Teabunny]

Welcome Impudence and pennymoo! I'm glad we're not alone in this, too. This forum and the resources are both great at guiding. I, too, discovered this site and the eggshells book this year. There are many of us just starting our journeys to understanding and healing, and I wish you the best of health and happiness in your own journey!