Divorce Busting and Last Resort Technique

[bugwaterguy]

Has anyone tried The Last Resort Technique from Divorce Busting with a BPD partner? Any feedback? It seems like it is similar to other recommendations with BPD folks.

https://marriageworks.com.au/relationship-advice-for-couple-counselling/the-last-resort-technique-marriage-saving/

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[WhatToDo47]

I think this is a good strategy and like how it focuses on bundling up yourself so that no matter what happens you are strong. I’d be really curious if anyone has tried this and how they think BPD would color the outcome. It seems to me that this is smart in that it removes some engulfment triggers and possibly triggers some abandonment ones, but I’m no expert.

[NonnyMouse]

I did a similar course last year. I'd say that these strategies coincide very well with strategies for coping with a pwBPD. One thing that is common to both is that the ideas initially seem counterintuitive. Surely talking about your relationship is the only way to solve problems? No, that's the worst thing you can do! But once you get the hang of it it all seems so obvious!

The course I did and the things I've learned from books on BPD and this forum have made my life much better. Divorce is still likely but I'm in a better place now.

[once removed]

solid advice.

chasing, overwhelming, needing, needing to "talk", all of these are doom when it comes to someone who had made up their mind to divorce.

[NotAHero]

  Might work but what’s the point as the BPD will go back to devaluation mode? If they painted you black to the point of leaving it’s most likely long term painted black.

[bugwaterguy]

  Might work but what’s the point as the BPD will go back to devaluation mode? If they painted you black to the point of leaving it’s most likely long term painted black.

I am currently still interested in saving my relationship.  I only recently (2 months ago) discovered this as a possibility.  I now understand how my behaviors have been enabling and codependent.  My hope is my behavior changes will improve things - but that is hope, and I cannot control that.

My wife may have long term-painted me as negative, and I cannot control that.

Regardless, we have two children together, so there will always be some kind of relationship.  For my kids, my wife, and me - I want that to be as good as possible given the circumstances.

[NotAHero]

I am currently still interested in saving my relationship.  I only recently (2 months ago) discovered this as a possibility.  I now understand how my behaviors have been enabling and codependent.  My hope is my behavior changes will improve things - but that is hope, and I cannot control that.

My wife may have long term-painted me as negative, and I cannot control that.

Regardless, we have two children together, so there will always be some kind of relationship.  For my kids, my wife, and me - I want that to be as good as possible given the circumstances.

 In that case yes it might work unless there is someone else. Start asap and see how it goes.

[formflier]

My wife may have long term-painted me as negative, and I cannot control that.

I would agree you can't "control" it, yet I hope you believe you have lots of "influence" over her. (you do!)

Many of the techniques and strategies might not seem intuitive...but given time they have a solid chance of shifting the relationship.

Best,

FF

[bugwaterguy]

I would agree you can't "control" it, yet I hope you believe you have lots of "influence" over her. (you do!)

Many of the techniques and strategies might not seem intuitive...but given time they have a solid chance of shifting the relationship.

Thanks for the positive reinforcement.  I know there might be short-term/long-term things going on.