... but I feel and see that really he has genuine feelings of love toward me and his son.. and though it is painful I think he never did.
This is who he is... the good AND the bad and the ugly. He's not sometimes one or sometimes the other, like Dr Jekyll vs Mr Hyde. He's both.
The difficulty is that the default of custody status is that you both have equal right of custody and parenting... the problem is that those rights are undefined until a court is tasked with deciding.
Right now your child is with his father. He has possession and that's the existing status. If you wish things to change and don't wish to relocate back to the States, then you'd have to start a court case to challenge listing what you want and why.
Was your child born in the USA? Does he have dual citizenship?
I'm assuming you have been separated for at least 6 months? If so, then you both have residency where you reside, thats a USA standard across the 50 states. A lawyer could advise you whether you can file from the country where you reside or whether you'd have to file where, without your approval, your child is living now.
The point is that the court defaults to reasonable contact for each parent. If you're not getting any physical contact then a court should issue a temporary order and will rule, eventually, on the matter.
