3 months NC she is now suicidal

[Boll2017]

My undiagnosed wife of 25 years and I are separated.  She has contacted my coworkers and HR department saying I am an evil person but also telling them they should press me to call her.  Tonight she called our realtor. He said she was distraught and suicidal.  She wanted him to press me to contact her.  I hung up and called 911.  Then I get text messages from him saying EMS had to tie her down and took her to the hospital. 

The guilt is excruciating.  Does this get any better?

[Mutt]

Hey Boll2017,

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. This has to be difficult after being separated to hear from different sources that are separate from your personal life. I can see how that would be tough.

I can relate with being split black while my exuBPDw had contradictory messaging. That being said, it sounds like she’s in the right place with professionals that  are trained to handle this  type of situation. Perhaps another member can share a similar experience.

You mentioned HR does your workplace offer family assistance with access to a therapist - or do you currently have a T?

[Boll2017]

Thanks Mutt.  She has a psychiatrist but has told me many times she doesn’t put much stock in mental health professionals.  Perhaps her being hospitalized will change that. 

As for me,  I am without a T over the last 6 months which is driven by my recent relocation.  I was using the VA previously.  The VA has no T available here and their psychiatric nurse hasn’t returned my calls.   Thanks for the reminder about workplace resources.   They do have mental health. 

[Mutt]

Mental health is hard in the sense that you have to look at your issues and own them and it takes a lot of effort. It sounds like she wasn’t ready at that particular time and she may not be ready now. It’s difficult to say something’s people have to be backed into a corner until they can’t move anymore and the only way forward is to get help for yourself.

We want the best for people and want them to get help a lot sooner than getting to that really difficult spot but you can treat BPD ne the person needs to want to help themselves. What you described that was going on the other day she was really emotionally charged and today could he something completely different than what she was going through that day - she could be closer to baseline and not have SI thoughts.

It’s hard to say but she’s in capable hands and not saying that you’re not capable but if one of my kids gets an injury I have to take them to the doctor because I don’t have the qualifications to help them.

That being said, it’s really important to take care of yourself, do something that benefits you when you’re going through a really bumpy experience such as this. Im glad to hear that you have those resources - give them a call. It’s a good idea to have multiple things in place when you’re going through a difficult time, talk to a GP or MD, talk to a T, talk to a support group like this, talk to family and friends lean one very urging that you have available for support.