I agree. That will likely be the lesson. You can read my posts for the full story, but a similar thing happened to me. My wife of 5 years left suddenly, flew across the country, I now know she was seeing other people there (didn't at the time), I flew to see her and "take her out to dinner and reconcile." When I showed up, she basically told me she doesn't love me right now, get lost, etc etc. It's in my other posts if you're interested.
Go in realistic, think ahead about what your boundaries and expectations are, and read as many of the communication tools on this website as you can going in (I wish I would have done that), especially about validating, not JADEing, etc. DO NOT BE INVALIDATING OR GET INTO CIRCULAR ARGUMENTS.
She will probably try to push your buttons, make you jealous, feel bad about yourself, project her lying and cheating on you, etc. Keep your cool and don't take the bait. Don't accept blame for things you didn't do, raise your voice, anything. Act in a way you will be proud of how you acted years down the line. And make sure you have some good family, friends, maybe a therapist, post on here. She will warp your mind.
And realize that whatever happens, it's not permanent, BPD emotions and minds change on a whim, often unpredictably. After she kicked me to the curb, blocked me, filed for divorce, called the police on me, etc., now she is acting like nothing happened, calling to see how I am, etc. I think I could patch it up now if I wanted but I'm not sure that I do. Hence, most of my posts are on the conflicted board now.
I'm no expert, but if I can be of any help, let me know, and post on here what happens if you want
