First Post - Seeking Help and Support

[Simon1969]

Hello,

I am brand new here and am looking for support and help.  I have 4 daughters, and dd#3 I am nearly certain has BPD.  She turns 17 in May and has struggled with tons of stuff since she was 12.  I'm not sure how best to go about this first post except to say I'm drowning in trying to know how to care for her, stay sane and feel like I'm doing more than just surviving.  Our investigation into BPD is brand new, and I need help.  Maybe if someone could ask questions to address the info. you all tend to want from new members, I can answer them to better fill out my story.

Thank you!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello Simon1969 and welcome to BPDFamily. 

I'm glad you found us. Many parents arrive without, or with a diagnosis in search of answers and how to move forward with support of each other, in this safe place.

What's the tons of stuff your DD (dear daughter) has been struggling with? BPD is very broad spectrum and often co-morbid. Do you think your DD recognises her struggles?

WDx

[Simon1969]

When she was 12 or 13, she was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety/depression, and ODD.  At the time, I did not accept the ODD diagnosis, but I was wrong.  She is now nearly 17, and she has been on a cocktail of various mixes of meds for 3+ years that has not helped.  She began drinking and using pot in 8th grade, something we were not made fully aware of until this past year. 

She is very aware of her struggles, and in fact was the one pushing us to get her diagnosed as BPD.  Unfortunately, that desire was motivated mostly by using the label to enable herself to be seen as a victim and not have to do the work.  She has PTSD from a few different abuse situations we were not made aware of (one very young, and one from a boyfriend her freshman year).

I looked into residential care for her last fall, but I did not have the support of my husband at t he time, and now that she knows we are considering it, she's adamantly refusing to participate.  I have been warned that there is (with her specifically) a 50/50 chance she will come out worse off than she is, and we just are not willing to risk it.  The sad thing is we do not have access to an IOP for her  that is geographically feasible, and her counselor that she just recently quit seeing, is not equipped to deal with BPD issues.  We are in a very rural midwestern town with VERY little available support.  I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm overwhelmed, and I am deeply grieving the new realization that I may have to take care of her at some level the rest of her life.  Parenthood has been very hard on me for various reasons, so this is a really hard thing for me to accept.  I'm very glad to have found this support group.