I miss her so much

[finallyout]

I slept only 1 or 2 hours yesterday. And when I could finally fall asleep, I dreamt of her holding my hand. It felt wonderful. I woke up and found myself alone in my bed, miserable and wanted nothing other than vanishing from the face of the earth. Why is this happening? She abused me during the relationship, and she still does till this moment. The last time I visited my 2 yo daughter, I brought her a present and snack. I was very happy to see her and she too ran to me and wanted me to hug her. My ex saw that and told me, "btw I told our daughter that her dad is coming, and she said no, maybe she does not want to see you". This hurt me tremendously! Why would someone say something like this? Why would she try to ruin my relationship to my daughter ? I think she got jealous because I love my daughter but not her. Even during the relationship, she admitted that she felt that I loved my daughter more than her and this made her feel jealous! She is comparing herself to 2 yo child! what a sick person is that?

Still ... I miss her. It is now almost 3 months since I left my home and the relationship. Sometimes it gets better ... sometimes it gets worse, like today .. I feel devastated. I feel like I will never be happy again. Those feelings of loneliness and hurt are torturing me. And then there is the fear, which prevents me from sleeping well at night. I am just a wreck ...

[NotAHero]

I slept only 1 or 2 hours yesterday. And when I could finally fall asleep, I dreamt of her holding my hand. It felt wonderful. I woke up and found myself alone in my bed, miserable and wanted nothing other than vanishing from the face of the earth. Why is this happening? She abused me during the relationship, and she still does till this moment. The last time I visited my 2 yo daughter, I brought her a present and snack. I was very happy to see her and she too ran to me and wanted me to hug her. My ex saw that and told me, "btw I told our daughter that her dad is coming, and she said no, maybe she does not want to see you". This hurt me tremendously! Why would someone say something like this? Why would she try to ruin my relationship to my daughter ? I think she got jealous because I love my daughter but not her. Even during the relationship, she admitted that she felt that I loved my daughter more than her and this made her feel jealous! She is comparing herself to 2 yo child! what a sick person is that?

Still ... I miss her. It is now almost 3 months since I left my home and the relationship. Sometimes it gets better ... sometimes it gets worse, like today .. I feel devastated. I feel like I will never be happy again. Those feelings of loneliness and hurt are torturing me. And then there is the fear, which prevents me from sleeping well at night. I am just a wreck ...

 This is tough, I am going through the same but probably at a later stage. It gets better but you have to do the work. Focus on yourself and your daughter. Accept it’s over, start rearranging your life without her in the picture.

[So many questions]

I wish I could offer some sort of advice that will help. But I have none. I’m devastated and can hardly operate day to day. It’s relentless. It’s every flipping day. It has not gotten any better, if anything, much much worse.

I dream of her every night. I think of her every second of the day. I miss her so unbelievably much. I actually never thought I could miss someone this much. I would give anything to see her and make her laugh and hold her.

I don’t care if she hurt me again. I don’t care if the same things happened. I don’t care if she has someone else. I don’t care if she needed to hook up with others. I just want to be with her. She is truly the most amazing person I’ve ever met. She just has a disorder. She can’t help it.

But, it’s not going to happen. Ever. It can’t. And It is the loneliest, most painful, most consuming feeling I’ve ever felt. And I’m not sure how long I can continue to bare it.

So I guess the only thing I can say to support you, is that I understand.

[Rev]

Hi finally,

Yeah... these are NEVER fun.  And it's going to happen, and it's normal, and, and, and...

It's just not fun. Reach out, vent, keep moving - spiritually and physically - or whatever. In the first month of my break-up with an extremely abusive woman I put nearly 3500 miles on my car driving mostly in the middle of the night.

Hang in there.

As someone said to me at the beginning of my journey here, "Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, it does get better."

Rev

[finallyout]

Thank you all for your kind words

@NotAHero: The problem is that I have to always communicate with her because we have a child together. This is making the process of removing her from the picture much harder. I think you can understand that since you have a similar issue, I believe

@So many questions: I am so sorry, my friend. I have been reading your posts lately, and I totally get what you are going through. I know how hard it is to forget and detach. I wish you all the best 

@Rev: thanks Rev. What bothers me the most is the insomnia. My sleep is really poor and irregular. I wake up often in the night or it takes me long to fall asleep. At the night, I like to watch the cars or the lights coming from the buildings just to feel less lonely

[NotAHero]

Thank you all for your kind words

@NotAHero: The problem is that I have to always communicate with her because we have a child together. This is making the process of removing her from the picture much harder. I think you can understand that since you have a similar issue, I believe

@So many questions: I am so sorry, my friend. I have been reading your posts lately, and I totally get what you are going through. I know how hard it is to forget and detach. I wish you all the best 

@Rev: thanks Rev. What bothers me the most is the insomnia. My sleep is really poor and irregular. I wake up often in the night or it takes me long to fall asleep. At the night, I like to watch the cars or the lights coming from the buildings just to feel less lonely

 You are correct we do have a child together so I have to communicate with her constantly.

 That doesn’t mean she is in the picture of my personal life. I only communicate regarding our child and ignore all other comments or communications.

[SinisterComplex]

I slept only 1 or 2 hours yesterday. And when I could finally fall asleep, I dreamt of her holding my hand. It felt wonderful. I woke up and found myself alone in my bed, miserable and wanted nothing other than vanishing from the face of the earth. Why is this happening? She abused me during the relationship, and she still does till this moment. The last time I visited my 2 yo daughter, I brought her a present and snack. I was very happy to see her and she too ran to me and wanted me to hug her. My ex saw that and told me, "btw I told our daughter that her dad is coming, and she said no, maybe she does not want to see you". This hurt me tremendously! Why would someone say something like this? Why would she try to ruin my relationship to my daughter ? I think she got jealous because I love my daughter but not her. Even during the relationship, she admitted that she felt that I loved my daughter more than her and this made her feel jealous! She is comparing herself to 2 yo child! what a sick person is that?

Still ... I miss her. It is now almost 3 months since I left my home and the relationship. Sometimes it gets better ... sometimes it gets worse, like today .. I feel devastated. I feel like I will never be happy again. Those feelings of loneliness and hurt are torturing me. And then there is the fear, which prevents me from sleeping well at night. I am just a wreck ...

Something I will chime in with...the fact you are saying you feel like you will never be happy again is actually not necessarily a bad thing. The flip side to the negative is that if you feel and felt that deeply than you know it was real and it meant a lot to you. That is the only part that matters. Pain is the greatest teacher there is unfortunately. So while currently it may not feel like it you will indeed get better and be happy again and you may even still have the best times ahead. You just have to stay strong and wade through the sea of grief. I speak from experience.

Better relationships with better people will come your way when you start to stand your ground more and not let the petty crap others have to say get to you. Dealing with a disordered person you will be tested, but you can't let it affect you personally. Always remember when you ask why would someone say something like that it is a response of projection and manipulation. A disordered person wants you to feel the same pain and be at the same level. Misery loves company. If you show it affects you and hurts you they win and gain control. It will always be a game unfortunately.

Contrary to what it may appear I can be a sensitive guy and I've been crushed and kicked in the nuts something fierce a few times (keep in mind I'm on this board too ;-). However, here I am stronger and happier than ever before, spitting venom and breathing fire. LOL. Yes I enjoy being me and I love me some me, but that is because I went through pure unrelenting hell to teach me that lesson as perhaps will happen for you as well. I think you will just have to learn to embrace truly loving you and being YOU. Why I mention this...when you truly get comfortable in your own skin others cannot affect you. As my best friend loves to say...everything is a process. So please be kind to you and take care of yourself. You are going to come out on the other side of this a stronger and better version of yourself if that is what you want.

Cheers and best wishes to you! 

-SC-

[LaRonge]

So please be kind to you and take care of yourself. You are going to come out on the other side of this a stronger and better version of yourself if that is what you want.

Amen!

[Rev]

Amen!

And again ... amen!

[Mack1]

100% right.
First time it happened to me ten years ago I was a zombie fora few months. Hard, hard, hard. Watching for every text, clinging on to the idea you can make them happy if you get one more chance.
At that time though we weren’t living together so I never realised how venomous the ‘splitting’ can become. This time, after she complained I tried for about a month, no budging, horrible comment and too many passive aggressive statements to mention. As long as I was trying, I got nothing.
Read up on BPD and the light bulb came on and suddenly I realised this was actually a blessing for me and gave up.
Sure we’re still in the same house, going up for sale next few weeks hopefully, but it’s difficult as sometimes you see flashes of the person you fell in love with but the cold, empty eyes and vicious tongue is something I resurrect when I think of this so not to be drawn back in.
As much as I’ve detached mostly, and can’t wait to get out, it’s still not easy to switch off totally, however angry I get.
Mentally I’m in a better place than some in my position but I do remember the heartache from the first ‘splitting’ incident and my sympathies are with anyone struggling at the moment.
As I’m sure you’ve been told a thousand times it will take time, your brain just doesn’t think so. But it will. Very slowly the pain will ease and fingers crossed the epiphany hits you one day and you decide to shut the door on this relationship and move towards a more peaceful life.

[Dad50]

Hey, this place is magic and will help you through. It is hard when two diametrically opposed things can be true. These folks we fell in love were so deeply connected. Like to depths we never thought possible. A lot of this was psychological manipulation and the trauma bond, but it doesn't even matter what percent was real or what percent was bullPLEASE READ manipulation. I feel like I will never be connected as deeply and fully with anyone again, but I also know like you she would destroy me if she could. And how messed up is it that they are jealous of any attention you give to anyone. That is unsustainable.

So yeah, I am having a day like you. Regretting what could have been.  i think that is a big loss. Grieving this fantasy of what could have been. Imagining some sort of alternate reality where we got to keep the connection without the baggage. We don't get that though. They are who they are. My last time with my ex she hit me repeatedly in the head and face. That's my last memory. But today I am having a day like you. Grieving what could have been and why couldn't it be and blah blah.

Normal and healthy is out there. You may never have that fire of burning passion, but that fire almost killed us. You can have love. And Peace. And love. And Peace. Boring, plain, silly love. Lasting, affirming, and nurturing peace.

[So many questions]

The connection is the hardest part because it felt so real.

I’m slowly realizing, it wasn’t. My ex suddenly “needed space to be alone” and went right into another relationship with a much younger guy.

Her birthday is today. And I’ve been an absolute mess leading up to it. Until I saw he posted her and they’re official. It’s the first time I saw them together, and oddly enough, I initially laughed. I was like wow, it really is just a game. I really was just something to do. She really was just mirroring all my love. And she’s doing it again to someone else the exact way she did it to me and the ex before me. She’s been doing it for a decade. She chooses very vulnerable partners who will take her sh*t Bc she’s drop dead gorgeous.

I always stood up to her and somehow “was her worst relationship”. I’m completely split black. No shot I wish her happy birthday.

I just need my heart to catch up to my brain. I know it was all a charade. But the back and forth between despising her and missing the good is constant and exhausting.

I don’t feel as bad today as I thought I would. If I told you what happened last year on her bday you’d roll your eyes. I was so foolish. I try to just remember those times and realize they’re still in the idealization period.

It sucks. It all really sucks. She was the person I loved and just wish she could’ve been ready or actually felt that way.

[DazzleD]

I feel all of you. I joined a few days ago but have yet found the words or courage to write a post. I miss my ex so much and have been lost and totally done in since we split two weeks ago. All over a bloody duvet cover which led to accusations and her triggered into her madness. Now I just sit here completely fuc£;d on a Saturday night wishing I had the bottle to either contact her or just end things. She was everything to me as were her two daughters. We were a family but she snatched it all away. I’ve never felt so lost man

[drumdog4M]

I understand how both of you feel and empathize with you.

So many questions, I'm glad your heart had a moment of catching up with your brain. I really wish mine would. Today, I was telling a friend of mine who has been supporting me through this ordeal that my head knows it was a very unhealthy relationship which I do not want to resuscitate (even if I could), but my heart would take her back in a second if I'm honest with myself.

Some of you might recall the long letter I posted about the awful night when she punched and shoved me in a drunken rage about two months ago. Well, last Monday she reached out to me and wanted to "share her thoughts" about what happened. I agreed to meet her this past Thursday. I was afraid of what might happen, but ached for some form of closure. So we met...

My feelings about our meeting are incredibly mixed. She was lovely, apologetic, claimed she is working with her therapist to stop "self-medicating." She seemed to be love bombing me a idealizing me in one moment, but then would say it would be too damaging to try again. That she was too wounded. She also alluded to the fact that she is unfulfilled by my replacement but needs to try to move forward with someone who is "safer." By that she seemed to imply that she was less emotionally attached so if he left, it would not hurt her and also maybe that he was so thankful to be with her that he never would. To be clear, she wasn't that blatant in how she communicated this, but that was what I inferred.

Though I feel I got some degree of closure in one regard, it poured gasoline on all those feelings I have for her that are always right below the surface if not actively torturing me. There was significant pull -- it was palpable -- but also the push and distancing in the same interaction.

She almost literally said, "She loved me more than anyone she'd ever met. That I was the greatest gift of her life. That I was an extraordinary man. That she had only wanted to spend her life with me." Yet, she could not be with me and was exploring trying to build a life with someone else to "move forward."

Intellectually this all makes perfect sense in the context of a "relationship" with a pwBPD, but emotionally I feel so whipsawed. It wasn't quite a recycle. It was more like flirting with recycling. But the idealization at the same time as the push is really confusing to process. I wasn't split black at that moment at all. I don't want to be recycled when I'm in wise mind, but the moment she was on my couch saying those words, I was ready to roll the loaded dice yet again.

Now I'm just lost and devastated. She is spending the weekend with my replacement -- which still seems so soon after the new relationship. Though, it seems she has been spending every weekend with him (overnights too) since they started dating. Confusing me further, she even said in a text before we met, she is "dating a dud." That "she cannot get intimacy from him at any level." That he "doesn't do a single nice thing for her. "Yet, she is giving her self to him instead of the "love of her life." I'm confused and struggling to reconcile this latest mindf$#%.

I'm frustrated and even ashamed that I agreed to meet her. I knew it was a double-edged sword, but I felt I needed the chance of closure. And I cannot seem to let hope die of having a healthy, stable relationship with her with counseling, etc. On one level, meeting with her allowed a measure of healing from the trauma of the night she hit me and called her ex-fiance to nearly  throw me out of her house. However, it opened a whole new front in my struggle.

I would welcome any thoughts or support you all might be able to offer. Thank you. I really appreciate and feel for you all.

[NotAHero]

I understand how both of you feel and empathize with you.

So many questions, I'm glad your heart had a moment of catching up with your brain. I really wish mine would. Today, I was telling a friend of mine who has been supporting me through this ordeal that my head knows it was a very unhealthy relationship which I do not want to resuscitate (even if I could), but my heart would take her back in a second if I'm honest with myself.

Some of you might recall the long letter I posted about the awful night when she punched and shoved me in a drunken rage about two months ago. Well, last Monday she reached out to me and wanted to "share her thoughts" about what happened. I agreed to meet her this past Thursday. I was afraid of what might happen, but ached for some form of closure. So we met...

My feelings about our meeting are incredibly mixed. She was lovely, apologetic, claimed she is working with her therapist to stop "self-medicating." She seemed to be love bombing me a idealizing me in one moment, but then would say it would be too damaging to try again. That she was too wounded. She also alluded to the fact that she is unfulfilled by my replacement but needs to try to move forward with someone who is "safer." By that she seemed to imply that she was less emotionally attached so if he left, it would not hurt her and also maybe that he was so thankful to be with her that he never would. To be clear, she wasn't that blatant in how she communicated this, but that was what I inferred.

Though I feel I got some degree of closure in one regard, it poured gasoline on all those feelings I have for her that are always right below the surface if not actively torturing me. There was significant pull -- it was palpable -- but also the push and distancing in the same interaction.

She almost literally said, "She loved me more than anyone she'd ever met. That I was the greatest gift of her life. That I was an extraordinary man. That she had only wanted to spend her life with me." Yet, she could not be with me and was exploring trying to build a life with someone else to "move forward."

Intellectually this all makes perfect sense in the context of a "relationship" with a pwBPD, but emotionally I feel so whipsawed. It wasn't quite a recycle. It was more like flirting with recycling. But the idealization at the same time as the push is really confusing to process. I wasn't split black at that moment at all. I don't want to be recycled when I'm in wise mind, but the moment she was on my couch saying those words, I was ready to roll the loaded dice yet again.

Now I'm just lost and devastated. She is spending the weekend with my replacement -- which still seems so soon after the new relationship. Though, it seems she has been spending every weekend with him (overnights too) since they started dating. Confusing me further, she even said in a text before we met, she is "dating a dud." That "she cannot get intimacy from him at any level." That he "doesn't do a single nice thing for her. "Yet, she is giving her self to him instead of the "love of her life." I'm confused and struggling to reconcile this latest mindf$#%.

I'm frustrated and even ashamed that I agreed to meet her. I knew it was a double-edged sword, but I felt I needed the chance of closure. And I cannot seem to let hope die of having a healthy, stable relationship with her with counseling, etc. On one level, meeting with her allowed a measure of healing from the trauma of the night she hit me and called her ex-fiance to nearly  throw me out of her house. However, it opened a whole new front in my struggle.

I would welcome any thoughts or support you all might be able to offer. Thank you. I really appreciate and feel for you all.

 When the replacement fails they go through ex’s. Normally the most recent one is targeted first. That’s only because the comfort you once provided is the freshest in their mind. She will use you for comfort but once a  better replacement comes along you will be discarded. If the replacement works you won’t hear from her for a long time depending on the length of her cycle.

 This just happened to me. The replacement failed so she came back to me. I declined to resume the relationship, she offered “friendship”. That typically means bread crumbs and possibly sex until a better replacement comes along. 

 At the end , you will be discarded. Your choice if you want to go through the healing now or resume to be discarded later.

  I am being blunt because I’m resisting the recycling attempt myself. I need to listen to my own advice.

[NotAHero]

I feel all of you. I joined a few days ago but have yet found the words or courage to write a post. I miss my ex so much and have been lost and totally done in since we split two weeks ago. All over a bloody duvet cover which led to accusations and her triggered into her madness. Now I just sit here completely fuc£;d on a Saturday night wishing I had the bottle to either contact her or just end things. She was everything to me as were her two daughters. We were a family but she snatched it all away. I’ve never felt so lost man

It’s not the duvet, it’s the BPD.

[finallyout]

Better relationships with better people will come your way when you start to stand your ground more and not let the petty crap others have to say get to you. Dealing with a disordered person you will be tested, but you can't let it affect you personally. Always remember when you ask why would someone say something like that it is a response of projection and manipulation. A disordered person wants you to feel the same pain and be at the same level. Misery loves company. If you show it affects you and hurts you they win and gain control. It will always be a game unfortunately.

What you described here is very accurate. She always tries her best to make me weak and miserable. That way she can get back control and dominance over me. The sad truth is that she was very successful in doing this. I was convinced that I was a bad person, evil and  selfish. Every time I refused to give her what she wanted, she would say the most hurtful words I have ever heard. At those moments, I had the feeling that this person had zero empathy. And yet, I stayed with her 5 years. This relationship could have destroyed me, she could have used me completely until I collapse. But luckily I had the courage to leave with what left of my sanity.

Thank you very much for the nice words, I hope that one day I would get out of the other side stronger and happier.

[finallyout]

So yeah, I am having a day like you. Regretting what could have been.  i think that is a big loss. Grieving this fantasy of what could have been. Imagining some sort of alternate reality where we got to keep the connection without the baggage. We don't get that though. They are who they are. My last time with my ex she hit me repeatedly in the head and face. That's my last memory. But today I am having a day like you. Grieving what could have been and why couldn't it be and blah blah.

I am so sorry to hear that you were having such a day. On such days I feel that crying is the only way to ease the pain. My main problem on those days, is the feeling of fear. I don't know exactly what I am afraid of, but I think it is the result of loneliness.

[finallyout]

thank you very much all for your replies, and I am so sorry to hear that some of you are struggling.

I spent this week with my family. Being with them, provided me with very needed love and support. So I was doing better, but now I am back to my place. I  feel  better than I did when I started this thread, but my heart is still hurting. I think the pain has much to do with me and my poor ability to tolerate being alone than with my ex.

[drumdog4M]

I understand what you mean about so much of the pain coming from our own vulnerabilities, including the difficulty of tolerating being alone and lonely.

I think those vulnerabilities are a big part of what might have kept us in such relationships even when we knew they were harming our emotional well-being. I struggle with feeling lonely and the fear that I will be "alone forever" and that no one but she can relieve that pain. Therapy helped me realize that I'm anxiously attached, and I'm trying to work on being less so, but fear or loneliness and abandonment are big parts of it. If you're interested, the book "Attached" by Amir Levine has been helpful.

I used to be perfectly content when alone and didn't feel lonely. In the wake of my break-up, it can sometimes feel all consuming. Spending time with family sounds like it was healing for you. Try to engage with understanding friends. Cry when you need to and experience the emotions you're feeling but also try to busy yourself to distract sometimes so the feeling of loneliness doesn't feel overwhelming.

I feel like a relationship with a pwBPD is so intense and enmeshed that we partners lose a bit of ourselves there, cut off social ties, and organize our lives around being their caregivers. I myself recognize that I had some co-dependent tendencies I didn't realize I had and that had not manifested themselves in my previous normal relationships. It is as if she elicited it from me because that is what she demanded or coaxed or whatever depending upon her mood at the time.

Your post is making me feel inspired to dedicate what little positive energy I feel at the moment to try to invest in myself and what's left of my little piece of the world instead of focusing on her so much. But I really empathize with what you are feeling.

[LaRonge]

I  feel  better than I did when I started this thread, but my heart is still hurting. I think the pain has much to do with me and my poor ability to tolerate being alone than with my ex.

I'm with you. I feel like I've done all the things one is supposed to do in the wake of a bad breakup, and I legitimately have some really good things happening in my life to look forward to. But sometimes, like this week, I feel that none of it matters, because no matter what I do, I still feel like I was discarded like a used dishrag and blamed for it. Nothing seems to wash away the stain of that. And like you and Drum, I'm stuck with the lingering sense that I'll always be alone, no matter what positive steps I take. I was with a bunch of couples with their kids last weekend, and I just felt like a loser who will never find that. It's like that one step forward, two steps back feeling. So anyway, you're not alone feeling this way. But hearing all of your stories helps to know I'm also not alone.

[So many questions]

I'm with you. I feel like I've done all the things one is supposed to do in the wake of a bad breakup, and I legitimately have some really good things happening in my life to look forward to. But sometimes, like this week, I feel that none of it matters, because no matter what I do, I still feel like I was discarded like a used dishrag and blamed for it. Nothing seems to wash away the stain of that. And like you and Drum, I'm stuck with the lingering sense that I'll always be alone, no matter what positive steps I take. I was with a bunch of couples with their kids last weekend, and I just felt like a loser who will never find that. It's like that one step forward, two steps back feeling. So anyway, you're not alone feeling this way. But hearing all of your stories helps to know I'm also not alone.

This. All of it. I go weeks doing so good and all the stuff I should be then hit a point where I’m like “okay do I feel better?”  And it’s never been yes. I’m just masking it. I’m pretending. Honestly, I’m worst than I’ve ever been.

[Goosey]

Miss my wife god damn it.   Ex sorry
I can add a bunch of words to get censored but every minute I miss her.
  I’m pathetic. Abused and in love with a false memory. 

[finallyout]

I feel like a relationship with a pwBPD is so intense and enmeshed that we partners lose a bit of ourselves there, cut off social ties, and organize our lives around being their caregivers. I myself recognize that I had some co-dependent tendencies I didn't realize I had and that had not manifested themselves in my previous normal relationships. It is as if she elicited it from me because that is what she demanded or coaxed or whatever depending upon her mood at the time.

This is absolutely true! One of the biggest reasons why I left this relationship is because I felt that I was isolated at the end. Some of my friends and family members did not want to come to my place anymore because they feared her. On many occasions, she fought with me in front of others for silly reasons, like for example that I did not pay her much attention when friends or family members were visiting us. Also, every time I wanted to meet with a friend, I was afraid of her reaction. My friends and family were triggering her abandonment fears.

So at the end, I found myself isolated from my social circle. All I had was her and her drama.  Now she is gone ...

[finallyout]

But hearing all of your stories helps to know I'm also not alone.

you are definitely not alone. I think a big part that keeps many people in a bad relationship is the fear of loneliness, and I can understand why, because it is a terrible and awful feeling. And when the break up happens, what brings people again together mostly is that they could not tolerate being alone.   

[SinisterComplex]

you are definitely not alone. I think a big part that keeps many people in a bad relationship is the fear of loneliness, and I can understand why, because it is a terrible and awful feeling.

FO, I have to commend you on phrasing it such as fear of loneliness and not the fear of being alone.   Those are two very different concepts. Similar but different. For humor's sake we will just say...Same, same, but different...But, Still Same!  

Loneliness is a terrible and awful feeling yes. Being alone is not. Most people still have to learn how to be alone and be happy with themselves. This is why many people choose S partners and stay in crappy unfulfilling relationships because they think being alone is worse. That is coming from a place of fear, weakness, desperation, and overall insecurity.

To be quite frank on a personal level I'd rather choose loneliness over being with a S   partner and wasting the most important thing of value...my time. Its actually a pretty simple choice at that...on one hand sure you are lonely and it sucks, but at some point you are going to figure it out and you will fill that void. Staying with a crappy partner you lose too much valuable time, you have nothing but headaches and drama and then you feel even worse about yourself because of it. Yeah I will file that under F   that! Because that is seriously just a royal pain in the $$!

While the pain that put you here on this board torments you just remember it is a process and you will get better and be stronger in time. Everyone has their own pace and speed. The light will pop on when you are ready and you will it to be so.

Please be kind to you and take care of YOU.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[finallyout]

While the pain that put you here on this board torments you just remember it is a process and you will get better and be stronger in time. Everyone has their own pace and speed. The light will pop on when you are ready and you will it to be so.

Please be kind to you and take care of YOU.

Thank you very much SinisterComplex for your words. I always come back and read your replies when I feel desperate.