advice

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I've recently figured out that my husband has BPD.  For years I blamed his anger on many other things and made excuses (to myself and to our kids).  I haven't discussed this with my husband yet.  He has already said that therapy is a waste of time, and I know he will not react kindly to me diagnosing him with a mental disorder.  In my heart, I know our marriage is over.  I'm struggling with how to tell him.  I know it will be bad and he will react with anger.  We are supposed to go on a family vacation in mid June and I was trying to wait until after, but it feels dishonest.  It's making me feel physically ill.  My youngest is really looking forward to this trip and it makes me feel horrible that it would probably be cancelled if I tell him I want a divorce.  I'm just not sure what to do.  Part of me thinks since I've waited this long, what's another month.  Maybe I can tough it out for another month?

Should I try to rent a house before hand?  Again, this feels underhanded and dishonest.  I feel devastated that it has come to this.  I just want a peaceful home.

[B2]

I've recently figured out that my husband has BPD.  For years I blamed his anger on many other things and made excuses (to myself and to our kids).  I haven't discussed this with my husband yet.  He has already said that therapy is a waste of time, and I know he will not react kindly to me diagnosing him with a mental disorder.  In my heart, I know our marriage is over.  I'm struggling with how to tell him.  I know it will be bad and he will react with anger.  We are supposed to go on a family vacation in mid June and I was trying to wait until after, but it feels dishonest.  It's making me feel physically ill.  My youngest is really looking forward to this trip and it makes me feel horrible that it would probably be cancelled if I tell him I want a divorce.  I'm just not sure what to do.  Part of me thinks since I've waited this long, what's another month.  Maybe I can tough it out for another month?

Should I try to rent a house before hand?  Again, this feels underhanded and dishonest.  I feel devastated that it has come to this.  I just want a peaceful home.

[Blueberry Cat]

Hello I’m really new on this site and I am 12 months after my separation I thought it was going to be relatively painful but turned out to be excruciating financially emotionally and legally my advice is to think very carefully before you do anything.
  I’ll definitely get a lot of advice if your having a hard time physically I would talk to a doctor and a therapist yourself and your family and get support.
  I didn’t let my BPD partner know that I thought she had a mental problem I just needed to protect myself and my daughter and get away and then she came after me and filed a restraining order and made a bunch of false allegations to take control of the family finances had me on my back foot.
  Please read about borderlines and legal trouble because he may try to frame you he made her try to get child
Custody  he will project any of his sickness and say it to you possibly.


I think it’s brave that you’re on here I didn’t know about this site until six months after my separation and I didn’t know my ex was borderline but now I do I think you’re ahead of the game but you need to act very carefully very strategically and realize that you’re dealing with potentially dangerous situation.

I’ve experienced borderline rage when my ex turned on me and she became a complete Diemond another friend of mine had a borderline personality relationship and then he had to jump from the second story window to escape please be careful

B

[B2]

Thank you. I am concerned about child custody.  I'm torn because we always promised to try and work thing out between us if we were to divorce and not get lawyers involved, but at the same time he has already threatened once to take the youngest away.  At the time he was in a really bad place mentally, but just the fact that he said it was really scary.

It's especially hard right now, because he is being sweet and funny.  Unfortunately, I know it won't last long.   

[Blueberry Cat]

From personal experience my advice is to let him know you’re not going to abandon him and you’re going to be there for him and let him feel kindness.
 I drew a hard line with my borderline ex and left to save myself and my daughter but I do wish that I would’ve got us both into therapy.
  I think you should really look at some of these posts on here and resources about de-escalation and try to be calm and remember what it was like when you were first starting your relationship are you gonna have to do that at the same time if you know you have to divorce figure out an exit strategy