It still feels surreal. Like a really bad dream.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It’s been 6 long, excruciating months since we broke up. 3 since the final recycle/discard. It still feels surreal. Like a really bad dream. But it’s reality.

I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress. I still ruminate 24/7. I still have conversations with myself like I’m talking to her. I still yearn to hear her voice. Honestly, my rumination with her and the new guy have only intensified. He is living the life I wanted. Her ex that was a constant pain in our relationship, is out of her life for good. She has a new home. Her business is thriving. It’s like I was used to get over the ex, and now she can take her relationships seriously. It’s all I ever wanted.

Every day that passes, digs the knife deeper. Crushes me a little bit more. It’s another day where I become even more of a distant memory. Do I even cross her mind? It doesn’t feel like it.

Life with her was magical. Sure, there were fights and lies especially the first 10 months,, but for the most part, it was heaven. The good far outweighed the bad. And to be completely real, any pain caused while with her is not even close to the pain I feel now.

I feel crazy. I don’t know what is real. I’ve been out. Met some really cool women. But, no one compares. She was just the most amazing, interesting person I’ve ever met.

And I just regret my actions the night we split, because it made it impossible to get back together. Im struggling and I’m just sick of feeling this way. She is with someone else. Building a life with them.

While I’m barely surviving

[So many questions]

It’s been 6 long, excruciating months since we broke up. 3 since the final recycle/discard. It still feels surreal. Like a really bad dream. But it’s reality.

I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress. I still ruminate 24/7. I still have conversations with myself like I’m talking to her. I still yearn to hear her voice. Honestly, my rumination with her and the new guy have only intensified. He is living the life I wanted. Her ex that was a constant pain in our relationship, is out of her life for good. She has a new home. Her business is thriving. It’s like I was used to get over the ex, and now she can take her relationships seriously. It’s all I ever wanted.

Every day that passes, digs the knife deeper. Crushes me a little bit more. It’s another day where I become even more of a distant memory. Do I even cross her mind? It doesn’t feel like it.

Life with her was magical. Sure, there were fights and lies especially the first 10 months,, but for the most part, it was heaven. The good far outweighed the bad. And to be completely real, any pain caused while with her is not even close to the pain I feel now.

I feel crazy. I don’t know what is real. I’ve been out. Met some really cool women. But, no one compares. She was just the most amazing, interesting person I’ve ever met.

And I just regret my actions the night we split, because it made it impossible to get back together. Im struggling and I’m just sick of feeling this way. She is with someone else. Building a life with them.

While I’m barely surviving

[once removed]

I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress.
...
Every day that passes, digs the knife deeper.

the honest truth is that often times, it gets worse before it gets better.

why? because youre moving closer to acceptance. because youre now making room to process things you didnt, or couldnt, sooner. because youre moving closer to letting it go.

and quite frankly, that hurts.

there was a time when i probably would have found that very notion triggering.

but sure enough, it did, and it does, get better. there will come a time when you can look back on those good parts of the relationship, and they wont be attached to pain. there will come a time when you are able to take those things, about her, about the relationship, and find them in someone else, as well as look for other qualities.

it wont be today. it, unfortunately, probably will not be as soon as you would hope. rest assured though, even though it may not feel like it, the pain you are going through is progress.

[SinisterComplex]

You are surviving though and you will survive. You've met some really cool women...ok, but here is the problem you are still hung up on this ex and you are blocking yourself from opportunities. You've created this barrier that one compares so how can a better opportunity come along? Know what I mean?

Besides, you are being too hard on yourself...its been six months. There is no easy quick fix for this. You really cared for her and the process of grief is different for everyone. It may take a long while for you to truly get over or get past it. However, so what...it doesn't make you any lesser of a person or man because of it alright. There is no measuring stick or barometer that you should place upon yourself. You will move on when you are ready to and you have truly accepted everything.

You don't think you've made progress but you have. Continue to vent my friend. We are here and always listening.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-

[NotAHero]

You keep saying it’s not getting better but it is. Some days you posted here in better spirit. Then it comes back and you FEEL worse than ever. That feeling is NOT a measurement of it getting better or worse. Grief and acceptance is a cycle, a process.

   It gets better gradually. Keep focusing on doing new things and improving yourself. Meet more people think of a new future.

 In my experience, even now that on many days I wake up completely over her…there are days when I feel disappointed, when I wish she didn’t do what she did, when I miss the good days, when I just wish what she showed me for years was the real her…those feelings & thoughts are crushing. That doesn’t mean things “didn’t get better” because they did. At least I am open to seeing others now. Look deep into yourself, is there a void you are trying to fill quickly ? Is that why you are longing for her because at some point she filled it?

 Think of things differently, let those painful feelings pass without judging them. Don’t escape them, don’t struggle with them. Let them pass but don’t let them stop you from exploring life on a good day!

[LaRonge]

You're doing all the things you should, and it will eventually pay off. I know it still feels horrible, but you just have to keep going, keep doing healthy, positive things, keep learning how to care for yourself. Keep reaching out whenever you need it.