BPD of my wife

[reality mine]

   I have been married for 30 years and have 3 daughters that reside outside the home.  About 5 years ago my wife took xanax for 2 years which was prescribed by her doctor for anxiety, I finally got her off the xanax and she smoked pot for her anxiety which she had already been doing since I meet her. But in the last 2 years she got a medical marijuana card to smoke pot and started smoking every day all day, delusions started to develop when she accused me of using burner phones she found in our garage, which were actually old phones our daughters had, she also accused me on having an affair from girls in the neighborhood I rode my bike in, needless to say we had to go to several marriage counselors which did absolutely no good. I finally took her to psychiatrist and she diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder and said I had narcissist injury. After reading your excelllent book walking on eggshells, I realized my wife has unconventional high functioning bpd. She will never admit she has bpd and says I am now a porn addict with live girls on the internet. none of which is true. Can you tell me was is narcissitic injury and where do I go from here?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[15years]

Hi and welcome to the forum 

I'm a little confused about the narcissistic injury part. Did the psychiatrist mean that you are a narcissist and has a narcissistic injury? From what I understand, a narcissistic injury is something a narcissist struggles with.

Sounds like you are dealing with a lot of delusional thinking by your wife. How do you usually respond to false allegations?

[reality mine]

  the psychiatrist says I have narciissitic traits and the injury part I thought was from dealing with my wifes bpd, the delusions I thought were from the excessive marijuana use but can delusions come from bpd?  I walk away when she accuses me of doing something I am not doing.

[15years]

What do you feel about the narcissistic traits theory? I haven't heard of a romantic partner causing a narcissistic injury, I thought that was more from childhood? but again I'm not sure I have the correct picture of it. Could anyone else reading this shime in with some insight into this?

Narcissistic traits is something different than a narcissistic personality disorder.

From what I understand as a member on this site and also from personal experience, delusions are common in people with bpd.

How does she respond to you walking away?

[I Am Redeemed]

Marijuana can exacerbate paranoid tendencies in people with certain mental illnesses, and some people with BPD can display transient paranoid ideation, particularly in times of high emotional stress.

A narcissistic injury is commonly used to describe a wound to the self image of a person with NPD or narcissistic traits, but that isn't all it means. A narcissistic injury is a wounded ego. It can look like extreme emotional pain when someone criticizes you, doesn't meet your needs, fails to "see" you or validate you, etc. It can look like unstable confidence in yourself and your capabilities; it can look like extreme perfectionism and high standards for yourself while never feeling good enough.

Did the psychiatrist recommend any treatment for you or your wife?

[Go3737]

She is accusing you falsely.
How else should you react?
You dont sound like a Narc.
Change therapists.

[reality mine]

 the psychiatrist made me read books on bpd, walking on eggshells, loving someone with bpd, family essentials. she never talked to me at all about being a narcissist. she said that dialectic behavioral therapy was best for my wife, but no one in my area does that, so at our last meeting she said to compromise or get a divorce.

[15years]

Do you wish to continue the relationship? What would have to change for you to be more satisfied with the relationship?

When you walk away, do you just exit silently or do you tell her anything? It could be beneficial to tell her you're going and what you are going to do (for example, "I'm going for a walk"), and leave the door open for communication later, but not about the delusional topic.

[reality mine]

 I want to continue the relationship , but its hard when you mate thinks you are a liar, cheater, porn addict and you  are not, We dont have sex because she says it messes up her mind, I am staying to myself and trying to take care of myself, as the book says is important, will try to make it work but it doesn't look good. when I walk away I tell her I am not listening to her negative behavior.

[15years]

Did the delusions start 2 years ago? How was the relationship working before that, when the girls lived at home?

[reality mine]

Delusions started about a year ago after she went on medical marijuana and started smoking day and night. whereas in the past  the marijuana use was only at night and no medical marijuana.