Want to divorce my bpdw

[sam_the_wise]

Hi

So it was good for a week. My bpdw got scholarship that she wanted, we were doing fine. I went to visit her in the city where she goes to school as I go every month. It was fine for a day, but yesterday, she said I was chewing too fast and I was taking bigger bites I said sorry and I will not do that, again she saw me doing same thing, I was unaware, she again started saying the same thing so I told her ok, sorry won’t do it again. She kept talking this is your habit this is what you do and I was like I have 10 mins before I have to go in a meeting let me eat, I won’t do that. She took an offense, she started calling me an uncool old fashioned Misogynistic patriarchal person who is snowflake and gets offended by everything. I deescalated it somehow. But she brought it back up in couple therapy session last night just to humiliate me again as a snowflake who takes offense about everything. Therapist tried to calm us down. She was all adamant throughout the session and after the session she picked up right where she left and started name calling me and deriding me telling me how I have ruined her life and all by being a patriarchal male chauvinist misogynistic person. I took my leave and I slept. She tried to again argue with me but eventually she let me sleep. Come morning today we talked she was like you don’t value my advice about health and habits, I know better than you. My father always listened to my mother, but you show so much resistance and question me. You disrespect me. I was like ok I do have some bad habits and you do have good bit of experience and knowledge I will listen to you. It was all ok but she went to bathroom and she realized that she hasn’t had periods and loosing hair because of me and what our 3 months fight about me just expressing my desire to have my parents visit in distant future. She yelled and mocked. I listened. I washed dishes to eat lunch at 7 pm. She found dishes dirty. So she started scolding and mocking said I don’t want make babies with such a looser and _____ like that. I listened and apologized and I was little annoyed that I didn’t clean dishes properly so my tone was little exasperated. She lost it . Started saying I have gone back on my promises and I am being touchy again. And started yelling. I lost my patience. I yelled. We fought and I seriously cannot deal with her. I want divorce. But now she is crying and saying after I have hurt her so much for two months and now she is grieving and healing why can’t I have patience with her. Why I make it about myself . I find myself being weak. I want this to stop but I feel weak when she is sad. Please help!

[BigOof]

Start by reading:

https://www.amazon.com/Splitting-Protecting-Borderline-Narcissistic-Personality/dp/1684036119

Which is also available in audiobook for discrete consumption.

[ForeverDad]

I agree, with these serious relationship issues, having children should be avoided at this time.  You've been married for only 1.5 years.  Sure doesn't sound like a honeymoon start.  There is no indication it will get better in 5 or even 10 years.  If it ends in divorce, better for it to be a simple goodbye and you move on rather than complicated custody and parenting issues with a complaining ex-spouse for the next 20 years.

This appears to be much like our illustration of a endlessly looping roller coaster ride, with extreme ups and downs.  Your choice, when it rolls into the station, do you get off or do you stay on for more?  For most here, the longer we stayed, the worse it got.